The Joke Thread

Swindler · Post by **Swindler** » Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:49 am

A Swedish Joke translated to English

The Turk to the Doctor:
Everytime i f*ck swedish girls i starts to cry
The doctor replies:
You maybe are allergic to the pepperspray?

haha a little racist joke but funny ^^

piootr · Post by **piootr** » Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:03 am

HejsaN wrote:A Swedish Joke translated to English

The Turk to the Doctor:
Everytime i f*ck swedish girls i starts to cry
The doctor replies:
You maybe are allergic to the pepperspray?

haha a little racist joke but funny ^^

i dun get it =P

heroo · Post by **heroo** » Thu Nov 08, 2007 8:35 am

piootr wrote:
HejsaN wrote:A Swedish Joke translated to English

The Turk to the Doctor:
Everytime i f*ck swedish girls i starts to cry
The doctor replies:
You maybe are allergic to the pepperspray?

haha a little racist joke but funny ^^

i dun get it =P

rofl.

Isis · Post by **Isis** » Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:41 am

Man is walking in London and its raining. He takes shelter in a peek-a-boo sex shop he pays £50 and is confronted by three doors. They read blonde, brunette or black. He chooses blonde only to be confronted by more doors reading small tits, medium tits and big tits. He chooses the big tits, only to be confronted by yet more. They read small cunt, large cunt and wet cunt. He chooses wet cunt and finds himself back in the rain!

Oxygen · Post by **Oxygen** » Fri Nov 09, 2007 4:58 pm

"What is the best way to cause panic?"
"Tell everyone to stay calm and not to panic"

Swindler · Post by **Swindler** » Fri Nov 09, 2007 7:07 pm

piootr wrote:
HejsaN wrote:A Swedish Joke translated to English

The Turk to the Doctor:
Everytime i f*ck swedish girls i starts to cry
The doctor replies:
You maybe are allergic to the pepperspray?

haha a little racist joke but funny ^^

i dun get it =P

the turk is raping the girls and they use pepperspray to make him cry...

corkscrew · Post by **corkscrew** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:44 pm

I got a joke.

Your jokes.

:banghead:

Casey613 · Post by **Casey613** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 11:05 pm

Stormprobe wrote:
ghostkilla43 wrote:no rasic stuff right?

fuc* the rules man

What did the english man do to entertain himself?

He thrwe a penny infront of 2 rabbi's

Samething but instead he threw a littleboy and 2 catholic priest. Winner fought michael jackson xD

Hey!! Don't steal from Achmed the Dead Terrorist!!

Isis · Post by **Isis** » Sun Nov 11, 2007 11:24 pm

There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"

There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped. The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.' And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.

There was a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman all sitting on a tea - break on a building site the Englishman pipe's up if my wife put's Cheese on my sandwich's again Iam going to kill myself and the Scotsman say's if my wife put's Egg on my sandwich's again I will kill myself and the Irishman say's if I find Gammon on my sandwich's again I will kill myself so sure enough the next day all three open up there lunch boxes and find the sandwich's are all full of Cheese ,Egg and Gammon once again so they all go off to different part's of the site and kill themselve's later in the week all three men are being buried and the englishman's wife say's if he diddn't want cheese on his sandwich's he should have told me and this wouldn't have happened then the Scotsman's wife come's away with the same statement concerning the Egg sandwich's then the Irishman's wife pipe's up I can't understand this, Paddy make's his own sandwich's.

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are all stranded on an island. They've been there for years, when one day the englishman finds a lamp buried in the sand. He starts to polish it and out pops a genie.
Oh thank you master says the genie, I will grant you all one wish! The Englishman says...Oh how I'd love to be at Lords sipping a Gin and Tonic, watching the cricket.
Big flash, cloud of smoke and he's gone! The scotsman says...see you jimmy,I wish I was at Hampden Park with a few mates watching the football. Big flash , cloud of smoke and he's gone! The Irishman says "Bejesus its gonna be awful lonely here without them, can you bring them back"????

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman were all stranded in a desert and somehow manage to find a deer. They all wanted their fair share so the Englishman said "We'll sort it out by who you support". The Englishman said "I support Liverpool so I'll have the Liver". Then the Scotsman said "I support hearts so I'll have the heart".
The Irishman said "I support arsenal but I'm not that hungry!"

hemagoku · Post by **hemagoku** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:12 am

Bastet wrote:There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"

There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped. The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.' And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.

There was a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman all sitting on a tea - break on a building site the Englishman pipe's up if my wife put's Cheese on my sandwich's again Iam going to kill myself and the Scotsman say's if my wife put's Egg on my sandwich's again I will kill myself and the Irishman say's if I find Gammon on my sandwich's again I will kill myself so sure enough the next day all three open up there lunch boxes and find the sandwich's are all full of Cheese ,Egg and Gammon once again so they all go off to different part's of the site and kill themselve's later in the week all three men are being buried and the englishman's wife say's if he diddn't want cheese on his sandwich's he should have told me and this wouldn't have happened then the Scotsman's wife come's away with the same statement concerning the Egg sandwich's then the Irishman's wife pipe's up I can't understand this, Paddy make's his own sandwich's.

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are all stranded on an island. They've been there for years, when one day the englishman finds a lamp buried in the sand. He starts to polish it and out pops a genie.
Oh thank you master says the genie, I will grant you all one wish! The Englishman says...Oh how I'd love to be at Lords sipping a Gin and Tonic, watching the cricket.
Big flash, cloud of smoke and he's gone! The scotsman says...see you jimmy,I wish I was at Hampden Park with a few mates watching the football. Big flash , cloud of smoke and he's gone! The Irishman says "Bejesus its gonna be awful lonely here without them, can you bring them back"????

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman were all stranded in a desert and somehow manage to find a deer. They all wanted their fair share so the Englishman said "We'll sort it out by who you support". The Englishman said "I support Liverpool so I'll have the Liver". Then the Scotsman said "I support hearts so I'll have the heart".
The Irishman said "I support arsenal but I'm not that hungry!"

how to read this ?

corkscrew · Post by **corkscrew** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:18 am

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 ft. of my cock in your ass.

PB_and_J · Post by **PB_and_J** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 1:30 am

What did the Mexican fire chief name his hoses?

José and hoseb

ranger4life · Post by **ranger4life** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 1:34 am

ooh i got one really good

knock knock
whos there
banana....

hahahaha that was so funny xD

Sylhana · Post by **Sylhana** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 2:55 am

Sweet Jebus. Bastet's on fire. I need to change my pants :oops:

Vindicator · Post by **Vindicator** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 3:05 am

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the shower and sees her breats. Too embarassed to ask her what they are, he asks his father.

his father replies, "When mommy dies, those balloons will be filled up so she can float up to heaven.

Satisfyed, Johnny left and went to school.

A week later, when Johnny's father came home, little Johnny ran outside to him in distress, crying and screaming "DADYY! MOMMY IS DIEING!!!!!"

Johnny's father asks him what makes him think so, and Johnny replies, " Uncle Ray is blowing up mommies balloons and shes screaming 'O God i'm coming!'"

FliiipZ · Post by **FliiipZ** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:13 am

Can I Ride?

A couple were in thier bed ready to make love when their four year old son walked in an asked Daddy can I ride on your back, The Dad said no, when the wife told her husband it's OK honey he doesn't know whats going on, so he agreed. As they got in to the throws of passion and the wife started moaning and breathing heavy the little boy said, Daddy you better hold on yesterday when she did that me and the Milkman both almost hit the floor.

San · Post by **San** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:19 am

why do all the jokes have to do with husbands wives like having sex with another man, aka cheating

FliiipZ · Post by **FliiipZ** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:37 am

12 Shots

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."