if you havent died of laughter by the end of this thread, you're probably not human
and feel free to add anyway as we go along
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
chuck norris facts
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grap3s04wr
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StealMySoda
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StealMySoda wrote:I've never ever understood this chuck norris BS, is it an american thing? :S
Me either but here.
When you think of Chuck Norris, you either immediately think action movie star (recalling his numerous feature films) or television star, for his long-running CBS television series, "Walker, Texas Ranger."
But prior to that, Chuck was a martial arts star, winning many martial arts championships including being a six-time undefeated World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Champion. Chuck was also a renowned teacher in the martial arts. Some of his students were Steve McQueen, Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley and Donnie & Marie Osmond.
From 1964 to 1968, Chuck won many State, National, and International amateur karate titles. In 1968, Chuck fought and won the World Professional MiddleWeight Karate championships by defeating the World's Top Fighters. He held that title until 1974 when he retired undefeated.
In 1968, Chuck was inducted into the Black Belt Hall of Fame as Fighter of the Year. In 1975, he was inducted as Instructor of the Year and in 1977, Chuck received the honor of Man of the Year.
Chuck is also founder and President of United Fighting Arts Federation with over 2,300 black belts all over the world.
In 1997, Chuck achieved another milestone in his life by being the first man ever in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system. This was a first in 4,500 years of tradition.
Chuck's intense drive and determination extended beyond his martial arts and acting career. He became an offshore powerboat racer with speeds of 140 miles per hour. In 1991, Chuck with his team and sponsor "Popeye Chicken" won the World Off Shore Powerboat championships. Then he went on to setting a new world record by racing a 38 foot Scarab boat 605 miles across the Great Lakes, from Chicago to Detroit, in 12 hours and 8 minutes.
In 1988, Chuck wrote his autobiography, "The Secret of Inner Strength", for Little Brown Publishing, which became a New York Times Best Seller. He followed up a few years later with a second book, "The Secret Power Within: Zen Solutions to Real Problems", also with Little Brown Publishing.
Chuck was asked how he would like to be remembered. Chuck's answer was as a Humanitarian. He has gotten a good start by:
1.) Being the spokesperson for United Way, doing an eight-minute commercial, which helped bring in over two billion dollars.
2.) Veterans Administration spokesperson visiting over 12 V.A. hospitals and speaking with World War II, Korean and Vietnam War Veterans including one from World War I.
3.) Winning the 1998 Epiphany award on Walker, Texas Ranger for the best Christian program.
4.) The Jewish Humanitarian Man of the Year Award.
5.) Actively involved with the Make A Wish Foundation for 20 years by making dreams come true for terminally ill children.
6.) BMI Music Television Award for Walker, Texas Ranger theme song, "Eyes of a Ranger".
7.) Texas Ranger Hall of Fame.
8.) Commissioned Police Officer for Terrell, Texas.
9.) Motivational speaker for many Christian ministries, such as T.D. Jakes Ministry, Trinity Broadcasting, and Bill Glass Crusade.
But Chuck thinks his most rewarding accomplishment was the creation of his Kick-Start Foundation. With the help of President George Bush, Chuck implemented a program teaching the martial arts to 150 high-risk children at M C Williams Middle School in Houston, Texas, as part of the school curriculum. The program was so successful in helping these kids raise their self-esteem and instilling discipline and respect, as well as getting them out of gangs, that the program is now in 30 schools with over 4,200 young boys and girls actively participating
<<banned from SRF for moderator disrespect and rules violations. -SG>>
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grap3s04wr
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Cruor wrote:Just.. Let it... DIE.
no its funny
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
#In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
# There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
# It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
# Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
IMO that is
Chuck Norris 
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grap3s04wr
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# Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
# Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
# Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
# Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
# When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
# Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
# Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
# Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
# When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.