Communication issues.

[Tasdik]

So recently, *five minutes ago*, it occurred to me that I dislike communicating verbally. Which I know sounds really strange but, I seem to be able to communicate much easier through say, the forums, texting, or whatever. I find it easier to get my feelings across in a clear and concise manner. When talking verbally, I tend let my emotions get the best of me. And when that happens, I can't say what it is, I need/want to say. And it kills me. So, I guess I just, don't say it. People actually tell me all the time that I'm a great communicator. That is, when I actually put the effort into trying. Which is extremely rare.

Again, this has just come to my attention, and is definitely something I need to work on. I was just wondering if y'all have ever noticed the same/similar thing about yourself. Or if you had any brilliant ideas to help me with this problem.

Thanks. <3

[Shomari]

Grow a pair. Really and seriously.

[Tasdik]

That was so insightful. Thanks for sharing.

[chickenfeather]

Practice makes perfect. Start communicating less through texts and instant messaging and just call the people. Start talking to completely random strangers. You'll get better over time.

That being said, I can barely hold a conversation in real life with anyone. Do as I say, not as I do

[Skyve]

I'm the opposite, I'm a great talker My tip for you is... GET COOL LIKE ME BRO

[BuDo]

I believe when others tell you that you are a good communicator.... not because I've noticed how you communicate (because I don't) but because people in general who are lacking an essential ability tend to make that extra effort to improve themselves......


I myself have a communication problem too....I always want to know for sure that the person understands what I'm saying to them....so I'll often repeat what I've said but in a different way...or ..when I speak with people who are from another country I find myself speaking the same sort of English they are trying to speak.....and I do it with the same accent..... which is kinda of silly on my part...

[Ganja]

Maybe it's because when you are writing/typing you can think of what you want to say thoroughly and when you are speaking you have to many thoughts going through your head at once and maybe your mouth can't keep up. This is what I've noticed about myself; this is also the reason I find my self stuttering often.

[Mirosuke]

Shy much?
Go out often with friends, once you like it, it will more easy to handle a conversation with anyone.
I always really don't have a topic to talk for, it's just the situation what makes think in one. Also, don't do that. Don't think. Just get in the flow and express yourself whatever comes to your mind. Don't doubt, doubting makes you lose and fail hardly.

Today on the bus, i was listening to 2 girls talking in spanish, and i was thinking should i ask her where is she from? But well, before leaving the bus, didn't think it twice.. "De donde son ustedes?" and had a little fast-short conversation. (The bus driver was kicking me out lolol)
I actually shouldn't think so hard about doing it ot not . If i were more confident, i could even get at least her phone number lol.

[DinoNuggets]

I was like that a few years ago. But i realized that im not actually sending my feelings through. I asked a girl i liked if she understood me better in person/phone or txt/email. She said Person cause she can know if im nervous or happy easier.

[MrTwilliger]

Now, based solely on the types of threads you've posted and your recent facebook thread, I'd normally make some big sadistic rant about how your in fact a terrible speaker, incredibly shy and much like every other person who spends too much time online. Because I do believe this, really. But I have something more I want to add, so I shall just leave it at this for the moment.

People think being a good communicator is natural. This is entirely false. Being a good communicator is like anything in this world, it's a skill. To be better at something, you need to train. Analyse proven techniques, put them into place, practise, re-analyse, practise etc etc. It's a process. Of course typing is easier then speaking, you have all the time in the world to get the right words. Not to mention online dictionaries and thesauruses.

Being a good communicator verbally isn;t easy. It takes a lot of training, effort and skill. You can't expect to be a goo tennis player if you've never trained before, so why is speaking any different? Your thoughts are natural and normal, it's just the way it is.

[Miguez]

Yeah what the people above said, don't think too much just do whatever comes to your mind, as long as you're reasonable and don't go acting crazy it's cool.

My only problem is not knowing what to talk about, therefore I'm a way funnier guy when I'm doing something than when just sitting there talking about random stuff.

[klokus]

just get yourself in a situation so you have to use verbal communication.

i worked in a computer-shop, 2 years ago. and i was supposed to really interact with the customers. at first i was like "no way, i can't do this", but after a while, you will see that this will go a lot smoother.

[Tasdik]

That being said, I can barely hold a conversation in real life with anyone. Do as I say, not as I do

Haha! ; )

when I speak with people who are from another country I find myself speaking the same sort of English they are trying to speak.....and I do it with the same accent..... which is kinda of silly on my part...

I do the same. Not necessarily from people from different countries, since I'm in America, but just different slangs. I can go from classy Northerner to a redneck southerner in .03784 seconds.

Maybe it's because when you are writing/typing you can think of what you want to say thoroughly and when you are speaking you have to many thoughts going through your head at once and maybe your mouth can't keep up. This is what I've noticed about myself; this is also the reason I find my self stuttering often.

Excellent point. I tend to do the same.

Shy much?

I truly am.

Now, based solely on the types of threads you've posted and your recent facebook thread, I'd normally make some big sadistic rant about how your in fact a terrible speaker, incredibly shy and much like every other person who spends too much time online. Because I do believe this, really. But I have something more I want to add, so I shall just leave it at this for the moment.
......

On SRF I let all my, numerous, insecurities rise to the surface. It's easier to be real with strangers over a forum then people in real life.

In real life, everyone think's I'm this incredibly outgoing person. That's a lie. *Has you can obviously see*. I take on that personality, probably for attention reasons. When you grow up in a family of 9 kids and your the middle child, you've got to do something in order to get attention. My older brother is the same way. Granted, he pulls it off better then I do. He and I are both the Mr. *Insert school name here*. And yet we're both so insecure it's remarkable, really.

I feel like I had more to say, but it seems I've forgotten it was. Ah well.

Also, your communication skills are amazing. You could write about paint drying, turn it into a huge long essay, and I'd still read every word. Bravo sir, bravo.

[Luiei]

Yeaaah I know what you mean. Used to be like that as well, not really like that any more though. As others said. Practice.

Alcohol helps man. And I'm not even joking. Removes that problem and once you've started to talk like that it gets easier while sober. ^^

[xKingpinx]

Honestly...it's the opposite for me in most situations. I like to be face to face with a person when talking about something, whether it be important or just casual talk. I still enjoy texting though and there are some things I feel better writing about rather than talking verbally. For the most part though, I like to talk in person.

[ZaKnighT]

Tas.. you didnt mention is it with genral people or girls or freinds ? each one of them can be totaly different.

[Tasdik]

General people. Although sometime it stems over into my family as well. Specifically my parents. -_-

[ZaKnighT]

look maybe people will think its wired.. but try skype with sro people or any skype. as you talk to new people you never meet so it will improve your skills. chatroulette (:sohappy: don't do it. it's >.>) . never be shy. put this in your mind there is nothing to be shy about. have some self confident and be normal. cuz if you have a problem like you said and your shy that's it. if your shy you will say stuff you didn't want to say and forgot stuff and alot of other bad stuff =). so again try going skype . you said your better when you talk to ppl by texting or others. cuz your not shy then. so just have some self confident. usualy i write in a wired way. its just i write to fast but you get the point ?

[Luiei]

The true secret is to not give a f*ck though.. Life gets so much easier.

[Miguez]

The true secret is to not give a f*ck though.. Life gets so much easier.

yes

[M3K0S]

Grow a pair. Really and seriously.

Kinda this... but before u wanna speak ur mind.. just say FCK IT! and do it... practice makes perfect... but know your limitations... and dont overdo it

[Miguez]

Yes there have to be limits, a friend of mine he doesn't give a **** about anything so he just does and says whatever he wants but most of the time he overdoes it and ends up looking stupid... And you don't want that do you.

[Tasdik]

... just say FCK IT! and do it... practice makes perfect... but know your limitations... and dont overdo it

That's what SHE said.

[MrTwilliger]

In real life, everyone think's I'm this incredibly outgoing person. That's a lie. *Has you can obviously see*. I take on that personality, probably for attention reasons. When you grow up in a family of 9 kids and your the middle child, you've got to do something in order to get attention. My older brother is the same way. Granted, he pulls it off better then I do. He and I are both the Mr. *Insert school name here*. And yet we're both so insecure it's remarkable, really.

Although your story is sad and what not, and I probably should feel some sort of sympathy with you, I just can't find myself to. I don't mean to sound rude here, that's not my intent at all, but this is just the way that I find myself getting motivated so I'll stick with it. So just hear me out, yeah?

At the end of the day we are all human. Be us fat, thin, tall or short. Whether we are outgoing, shy, confident or just average. We are all human and we all share the same issues. Truth be told we are all insecure about certain things. I'm as skinny as a rake and yet I'm really insecure about my body. I'm also incredibly eccentric in person and can talk for hours on end without stopping, blinking or even having to pause to think, yet I'm incredibly insecure about my ability to socialise in a formal, structured environment such as an important business interview (currently going through the process now, it sucks). Anyway, my point is, what you feel is exactly what everyone else has felt at one stage or another. It's almost unnatural for someone not to feel that way at one point or another.

Now where does all this lead to? Well I'm sure you look at confident, strong and social people and get jealous. Am I right? I'm sure I am. In fact, I know I am. Because I use to do the same thing myself. When I was younger (15, 16, 17, I'm guessing around the age you are now) I use be so shy. I had a few friends, maybe 5 or so, and I even had problems speaking to them! I never went anywhere even if I was invited out. I refused all party invitations and I use to make up excuses just to avoid socialising. I had no social skills at all, it's so strange looking back on it.
But over time I decided I wanted to change it. I was sick of hiding away, I was sick of not being able to interact with others and spending so much time in my room playing my computer (hello SRO addiction). So I did one of the hardest things I've ever done: I faced reality. I put a stick in the ground and said "This is where I'm at now. I need to be all the way over there. Now I need to figure out the steps to do it". It wasn't easy, trust me. I had to go out of my comfort zone time after time after time, going to the parties and social gatherings that I once avoided so much. I slowly taught myself how to talk more fluently, I learned to express my ideas more constructively and after time I gained more and more confidence. I was able to meet any old random person and just talk to them, I truly did. I made a lot of good friends and had some great times that I never would of had previously.
It's an on-going process, though. Even now I find myself doubting my actions. I need to keep developing my skills and keep putting myself out of my comfort zone. Think of it like practising your football passes and tackles before you play a game on the weekend. If you keep practising the technique, be it at home, work, university etc than it makes your weekend game (socialising with friends) much more enjoyable and memorable.

Basically, here's my point. I don't want to here why you are the way you are. Sure, it's a bad circumstance, but it's not what I need to hear. If you truly want to change the way you are, than do it! You need to sit down, do some research upon social skills (itunes has a few amazing podcasts as to how to be an effective communicator, I can list them if your really interested) and practise! Anyone can be confident and outgoing without faking it , honestly. It takes a lot of practise and effort, but you can do it. Man up and do something that will improve the quality of your life. Trust me, you'll get a lot more out of it than sitting on forums preaching to the world your every problem. I made countless friends, had a lot of good memories and have friends right now that are like blood family to me. So, Tadsik, what are you going to get out of it all?

[please excuse the lack of comprehension in the rant, it's ever so early here and I'm still half asleep]

[aznronin]

... just say FCK IT! and do it... practice makes perfect... but know your limitations... and dont overdo it

That's what SHE said.

rofl!

OT: I think your a great communicator by the way you communicate on the forums, and I also have the same problem, but I can express my mind freely to people I know.

[Doron]

My mouth is faster then my brain. When I smile everyone smiles. My glare is deadly.
^
Just some things people say about me.
But I am very shy when it comes to new people.

[Dbett5]

Girls love it when guys arent afraid to let their emotions go man

[CeLL]

Grow a pair. Really and seriously.

That was so insightful. Thanks for sharing.

no, he's serious. youre going to be an adult soon. you need to get out of this or you will go no where. i mean that is unless you plan on staying in your parents basement for the rest of their life and not working. you have to learn to harness you emotions and force yourself to become legitimately vocal. you wont be taken seriously in relationships and careers if you dont.

[ZaKnighT]

... just say FCK IT! and do it... practice makes perfect... but know your limitations... and dont overdo it

That's what SHE said.

rofl!

OT: I think your a great communicator by the way you communicate on the forums, and I also have the same problem, but I can express my mind freely to people I know.

not meaning to discourge you.. forums have nothing to do with real life..

[*BlackFox]

forums have nothing to do with real life

Well... That's not entirely true! xD