I Wrote A Song O.O

Anything else. Post a funny site or tell us about yourself. Discuss current events or whatever else you want. Post off topic threads here.
User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Well its nothing much its my first song and all my friends say its amazing. and i just wanted to know all of your honest opinions.
thx much :love:
here it is:

She has blue eyes but grey ways
the sun always shines but in her eyes its all just the same
living life without A care, live or die its just another metaphorical say.
hey, hey, hey
you are the only one that understands
you are the only one that knows what we're meant to be!
all day i sit alone thinking of you...
i wounder why and how life came to be this way
maybe living alone is the way we all were meant to be
hey, hey, hey
you are the only one that understands
you are the only one that knows what we're meant to be
how i feel -you know- what i say matters
you make life change for the better
truth is, but yet its so hard to say i think im falling apart for your amazing ways!
hey, hey, hey
you are the only one that understands
you are the only one that knows that we're meant to be....


what do you think?
be honest
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Kraq
Advanced Member
Posts: 2076
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:44 am
Location: ☮☮☮

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Kraq »

ITS COMPLETE SHIZ! :x

j/k :]
Looks great, like the pop punk "HEY HEY HEY" it has :P
Image

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Kraq wrote:ITS COMPLETE SHIZ! :x

j/k :]
Looks great, like the pop punk "HEY HEY HEY" it has :P

yeah i planned on it like being a punk rock/ scremo/emo rockish theme
cause thats what Im into
http://view.playlist.com/7080856587/standalone
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Rakion
Frequent Member
Posts: 1268
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:29 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: Off Section

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Rakion »

you know how to play instruments, like piano or guitar. if not find someone how will. It sounds quite good really :D i'm willing to hear it. post it on youtube or something :)
As i ended the last chapter of my past never forgotten true love...
... a new one begins :)
I'm begging to find a way on how to connect with someone new...
....somehow this new Chapter will be quite an experience. :)

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

my bro plays a AMAZING guitar, i play drums. and my friend debbie is amazing on piano.
ionno if i wanna send them it
im kinda embarrassed :oops:
its not that good...
and i kinda wrote it for this girl :roll:
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Kraq
Advanced Member
Posts: 2076
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:44 am
Location: ☮☮☮

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Kraq »

If it soudns great, than send her the link be like " Oh its this new band :}} Their really good :]]"
Image

User avatar
William-CL
Forum Legend
Posts: 7363
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:10 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: N/A

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by William-CL »

That actually looks pretty Decent Imo. Nice Job.
Image

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Kraq wrote:If it soudns great, than send her the link be like " Oh its this new band :}} Their really good :]]"

she already knows about the song. But my friends dont know about her. dont worrie im not lost in the way of women. You wont be seeibg me posting here asking about girls :roll:
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Kraq
Advanced Member
Posts: 2076
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:44 am
Location: ☮☮☮

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Kraq »

Lol i totally get you, i like this girl but my friends wuld be all U FU.CK U if i tell them :P
Image

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Kraq wrote:Lol i totally get you, i like this girl but my friends wuld be all U FU.CK U if i tell them :P

yeah. i wanna ask out this girl debbie. I can tell she likes me and we hang like every day. I actually just got home from being with her. But i already has a gf and she has a bf. xD. Anyway. Im not good at writing music. Just lyrics. I have a sound of what id like the song to be in my head but idk how to make it into notes
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
tedtwilliger
Veteran Member
Posts: 3657
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:18 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: MrTwilligers skin
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by tedtwilliger »

No offence but i thin kits terrible.

It has the same old generic theme of love with the same old messages everyone seems to produce " i like someone, i like to think about them. they are special to me". The language is bland and unoriginal like it was written within a few minutes.

But on the positive side im sure its heart felt and she means a lot to you blah blah blah

User avatar
Doppleganger
Addicted Member
Posts: 2706
Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:58 am
Location: Resistance Headquarters

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Doppleganger »

Can't tell anything by just reading the lyrics
Get something we can actually listen too and then well get places.
ImageImage
Image

User avatar
StealMySoda
Ex-Staff
Posts: 5245
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:37 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: Off Topic
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by StealMySoda »

You should call the song Debbie.
And urrr. if you 'already have a girlfriend' and you like Debbie (lol sorry, its such a funny name), then you should break up with your current GF.
Ooh, I got a sexy ex-staff title!

User avatar
iGod
Veteran Member
Posts: 3728
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:22 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: Off Topic

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by iGod »

Why would you want to write a song like that? It has no artistic value.. hey hey hey? ;s

User avatar
x_CodeZero_x
Frequent Member
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:51 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: Xian

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by x_CodeZero_x »

Uber kudos
A Skylit Drive pwns.
Image
Image
Image

User avatar
Priam
Forum Legend
Posts: 7885
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:38 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: At the apple store, Cause i'm an iAddict.

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Priam »

It beats britney's new song (though the video is hawt).
Image

User avatar
Doron
SRF's Princess
Posts: 8570
Joined: Sun May 20, 2007 9:37 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I'm at- Ooh something shiny!!

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Doron »

Priam wrote:It beats britney's new song (though the video is hawt).


you mean Womanizer or Ooh Ooh Baby??

I likes but I need music, dear
Image

User avatar
Priam
Forum Legend
Posts: 7885
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:38 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: At the apple store, Cause i'm an iAddict.

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Priam »

Icealya wrote:
Priam wrote:It beats britney's new song (though the video is hawt).


you mean Womanizer or Ooh Ooh Baby??

I likes but I need music, dear


the one where she's nekkid in the sauna.
Image

User avatar
Doron
SRF's Princess
Posts: 8570
Joined: Sun May 20, 2007 9:37 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I'm at- Ooh something shiny!!

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Doron »

womanizer... :roll:
Image

User avatar
Priam
Forum Legend
Posts: 7885
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:38 am
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: At the apple store, Cause i'm an iAddict.

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Priam »

Icealya wrote:womanizer... :roll:


hmmk.

I watched it on Geenstijl.nl

They told me to turn the sound off, and just watch the video, so i did.
Image

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

iGod wrote:Why would you want to write a song like that? It has no artistic value.. hey hey hey? ;s

i know. I couldnt think of anything else >< if you guys could think of some differeny lyric to put in there it would be awesome. its my first song. Well... Unless you wanna cout the bunny song that me and my friends made. @tedwiller i cant just breakup with my gf cause i asked her out like 2 days ago. I gotta get a reason then let the relationship run its self off corse
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Draquish
Elite Member
Posts: 6423
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:25 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: ____

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Draquish »

Make it a Screamo song and you've got something. LOL.

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Draquish wrote:Make it a Screamo song and you've got something. LOL.

*GASPS* mah thred has abeen strechedid!! my friend has his own band. -Th great giveaway- -myspace.com/thegreatgiveawaymusic - and i was thinking about sending him the song
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Mr.Ganji
Active Member
Posts: 808
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:06 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: The Land of the Free

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Mr.Ganji »

The lyrics are sweet...but it would definitely be 100x better with a catchy tune to it. Don't be embarassed, lol, the worst you'll get is a "no" and I don't see any difficulty in overcoming that. They're your kin, lol, they won't say anything bad
<<Banned From SRF. Nuff Said.>> - Key-J

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Mr.Ganji wrote:The lyrics are sweet...but it would definitely be 100x better with a catchy tune to it. Don't be embarassed, lol, the worst you'll get is a "no" and I don't see any difficulty in overcoming that. They're your kin, lol, they won't say anything bad

the guy that has his own band is like the coolest guy in this small lil town i live in. Everyone knows him. When we are hanging out with him like everyone that walks by says 'hi tommy!' he will say hi even though he doesnt know them. And since hes like hella tiight i dont wanna do anything to make him think im immature and not be around me anymore. I would write music for the song but im not good at the music part just the lyrics. Thats where i was hoping you guys come in? Any online sound programs i can play with or anything?
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
inky
Senior Member
Posts: 4024
Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:47 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: GuildWars2

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by inky »

I'm gonna' very blunt and honest with you on this one; you would most likely have to do a lot of editing since it seems to me that you didn't write a "song" yet. IMO, the best way to write a song is by writing the lyrics after you've established the instrumentals as a base first. Otherwise the song would sound "forced," crappy, and it would not have any unique qualities just like most of the so-called music being produced today. But I don't know, you might find a way to make it work or whatever but I really believe that anyone can scribble a bunch of pseudo-poetic words but it doesn't mean that it's a song or lyrics for a song.

I usually keep my opinion to myself when it comes to these things since I don't wanna upset people about their work but..dude, the entire thing sounds like a big cliche. I'm not saying that it sounds uncreative and whiny (well it is) but try to be a bit more creative when you write your words down especially since it seems like you're planning to let the song revolve around the lyrics. I really don't want to be mean or anything but it really looks like it was written by an 11-year-old who got overdosed with MTV.

Hey ho, let's go..work on it and have fun.
Image
ImageAlastor Crow

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

LMFAO!!! Dude that just made my day rofl!!! So then i shouldnt send the lyrics to tommy? I know if i send them and he likes them he could make some AMAZING music for it.
Image
Spoiler!

User avatar
Mr.Ganji
Active Member
Posts: 808
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:06 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: The Land of the Free

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by Mr.Ganji »

"constructive criticism"
<<Banned From SRF. Nuff Said.>> - Key-J

User avatar
inky
Senior Member
Posts: 4024
Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:47 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: GuildWars2

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by inky »

brentonsbbe359 wrote:LMFAO!!! Dude that just made my day rofl!!! So then i shouldnt send the lyrics to tommy? I know if i send them and he likes them he could make some AMAZING music for it.


You wanted an honest opinion, you got an honest opinion. But since it sounds like the only opinions you care about are the positive ones, I'm gonna' write you another one.

Wait, let me try this again.....

HOLY SHIT!Dude this is amazing! I love the way you write..it's very romantic and upbeat at the same time. You should definitely ask that Tommy guy to turn this into a song. You just need some background music and it's perfect. :D


Happy? :roll:
Next time don't bother asking for people's opinions if the only ones you want to hear are the positive ones. You're better off just telling people how "awesome" you think your "song" is instead of asking them what they think about it. It really gives others the impression that you're cheeky :)
Image
ImageAlastor Crow

User avatar
brentonsbbe359
Addicted Member
Posts: 2615
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:09 pm
Quick Reply: Yes
Location: I poopid :o
Contact:

Re: I Wrote A Song O.O

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

@ inky
i was being serious i loved your honesty
idc if it sucks.
i sing random things so much i could write 20 songs if i wasn't so lazy.
maybe one day i could try writing some thing different and better.
Image
Spoiler!

Post Reply

Return to “Off Topic Lounge”