Jokes

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Grimjaw
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grimjaw »

What did the blind man say when he walked pass the Fish stand at the market?

Spoiler!


Did you hear about the Chinese Godfather?

Spoiler!
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emperor3000
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Re: Jokes

Post by emperor3000 »

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Spoiler!
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Lyric
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Re: Jokes

Post by Lyric »

Post Moar! Jokes

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Grimjaw
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grimjaw »

A women gets pulled over on her way to work . The cop asks the usual question why are you in such a hurry. The women replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says I suppose you have a really important job like being a doctor where it's a matter of life and death that you be there huh. the lady says no actually I am an asshole stretcher. The cop says an asshole stretcher what is that? She says it is where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot. The cop says well what do you do with a six foot asshole? the lady says give them a gun and a badge and have them pull people over that are late for work
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Burningwolf
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Re: Jokes

Post by Burningwolf »

Grimjaw wrote:
A women gets pulled over on her way to work . The cop asks the usual question why are you in such a hurry. The women replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says I suppose you have a really important job like being a doctor where it's a matter of life and death that you be there huh. the lady says no actually I am an asshole stretcher. The cop says an asshole stretcher what is that? She says it is where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot. The cop says well what do you do with a six foot asshole? the lady says give them a gun and a badge and have them pull people over that are late for work

lmao
that one is funny as hell
Spoiler!

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M3K0S
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Re: Jokes

Post by M3K0S »

Grimjaw wrote:What did the blind man say when he walked pass the Fish stand at the market?

Spoiler!


PHAIL
NOT FUNNY
OLD!
Afroman??!?!
ImageImage
i love you magisuns thx for the sig

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brentonsbbe359
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Re: Jokes

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

Locketart wrote:You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds is?

There are twenty of them.

lmfao it took me a minute to get it! rofl!
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Spoiler!

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*BlackFox
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Re: Jokes

Post by *BlackFox »

ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING:

Spoiler!
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Grimjaw
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grimjaw »

*BlackFox wrote:ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING:

Spoiler!


Rofl! :D
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brentonsbbe359
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Re: Jokes

Post by brentonsbbe359 »

a boy takes his grandmother to a base ball game, the grandmother doesn't know anything about base ball.
they sit and watch as the pitcher keeps throwing but the batter isn't swinging. after about 5 throws he walks to base. the grandmother doesn't get why no one is trying to get him out or anything
she asks the boy why and he says because the batter got four balls


then the grandmother stands up and yells
WALK WITH PRIDE SUNNY!
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Spoiler!

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Grimjaw
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grimjaw »

brentonsbbe359 wrote:a boy takes his grandmother to a base ball game, the grandmother doesn't know anything about base ball.
they sit and watch as the pitcher keeps throwing but the batter isn't swinging. after about 5 throws he walks to base. the grandmother doesn't get why no one is trying to get him out or anything
she asks the boy why and he says because the batter got four balls


then the grandmother stands up and yells
WALK WITH PRIDE SUNNY!


I lol'd hard. :D
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Squirt
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Re: Jokes

Post by Squirt »

takolin wrote:
TOloseGT wrote:guys, the following story i'm about to copy+paste on here is epic and awesome, please don't ruin the experience by scrolling down immediately, and don't be daunted by the length, it's a really really good read:

Spoiler!

Spoiler!



I hate you and I want the reading time back.


I F****ng hate you!
I want my time back....
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Spoiler!

woutR wrote:Squirt, you're a genius when it comes to raping women.

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CloudStrider
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Re: Jokes

Post by CloudStrider »

I just read the last 2 paragraphs and I laughed alot.

EDIT -- I keep getting a damn error!
penfold1992 wrote:durka durka muhammad gihad allah 10k plys. thats all i hear :S

Image Image
Mad props to Verfo for the sig, ty!

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Swindler
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Re: Jokes

Post by Swindler »

huejas wrote:
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.

God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke.

He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.

The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.

The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.

Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing hysterically.

"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn’t even tell a joke."

"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first one."


ROFL!

TOloseGT wrote:here's a story. the beginning is scary, the middle is funny, the last part is sad.

Spoiler!

Spoiler!

Spoiler!


hahaaha!

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Dead_Soul
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dead_Soul »

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope. On Friday, they appeared in court before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...
_
/ \
| | O
\ _ /
...and told them that this [pointing to the big circle] is your brain before drugs, and that this [pointing to the small circle] your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. Then he turns to the second boy. "And you, how did you do?"
"Well, your honor I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" said the judge, "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!?!"
"Well, I used a similar approach," the boy said. And he also drew a simple llustration.
O
"I just pointed to the small circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison'...."

( that was supposed to be a big circle but its not showing)
you've just been punk'd aaaaah crazy...

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ranger4life
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Re: Jokes

Post by ranger4life »

Lmao, this is ironic. I was just reading this while eating a popsicle. Apperantly theres a joke on the popsicle stick. so here it is.

Why do Rhinos have so many Wrinkles?
Beacuse they're hard to iron


xD
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Grandpa
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Re: Jokes

Post by Grandpa »

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Spoiler!

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Spoiler!

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Spoiler!

4. There is a river you must cross, but crocodiles inhabit it. How do you manage it?
Spoiler!

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*BlackFox
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Re: Jokes

Post by *BlackFox »

brentonsbbe359 wrote:a boy takes his grandmother to a base ball game, the grandmother doesn't know anything about base ball.
they sit and watch as the pitcher keeps throwing but the batter isn't swinging. after about 5 throws he walks to base. the grandmother doesn't get why no one is trying to get him out or anything
she asks the boy why and he says because the batter got four balls


then the grandmother stands up and yells
WALK WITH PRIDE SUNNY!

I lol'd Hard

The Parking Ticket

Spoiler!
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