A husband said to his wife, "Get your coat on love, it’s time to go to the pub."
"But you NEVER take me out," she replied.
"I’m not," said the husband, "but I’m turning the heating off before I go".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anyone could have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke.
He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing hysterically.
"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn’t even tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first one."
Jokes
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vietxboy911
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Re: A Caring Husband
Lol wow.
OffTopic: Have you recieved my pm?
OffTopic: Have you recieved my pm?
(c) TheKnight
SRO Salvation:
VietB
Vietx
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huejas
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Re: A Caring Husband
vietxboy911 wrote:Lol wow.
OffTopic: Have you recieved my pm?
Yes but i havent done it yet. Pm me your "favour"
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Asteroid
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Re: A Caring Husband
thats a joke or someone actually say it in real lifeedit: thanks for edit. guess its a joke
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destructionmama
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Re: Jokes
TOloseGT wrote:here's a story. the beginning is scary, the middle is funny, the last part is sad.Spoiler!Spoiler!Spoiler!
Now that's some funny chizz!
Big thx to MasterKojito for making my sig
RuYi wrote:Guys, I think we should promote destructionmama to Captain Obvious. :3
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*BlackFox
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Re: Jokes
Cats ARE Better
Dear Dog,
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Best regards,
The Cat
Dear Dog,
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Best regards,
The Cat
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whiteraven
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Re: Jokes
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
ben je echt zo gek dat je leest tot laatste spoiler? damn, meest trieste grap ooit xD
WTS,,
water elements D3/4
fire elements D3/4
earth elements D3/4
wind elements D3/4
and a few sos´es,, look at topic
http://www.silkroadforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=91081
water elements D3/4
fire elements D3/4
earth elements D3/4
wind elements D3/4
and a few sos´es,, look at topic
http://www.silkroadforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=91081
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SidiousX
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Re: Jokes
whiteraven wrote:Spoiler!Spoiler!Spoiler!Spoiler!Spoiler!Spoiler!
ja ik ben zo triest
Thx Kraq for the sig <3
I want you to know that you're the only thing that makes this life so beautiful
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poehalcho
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Re: Jokes
it's pretty much this:
bunny goes to baker
> got carrot cake?
< no
next day:
> got carrot cake?
< no
third day:
baker felt sad for the bunny...
> got carrot cake?
< yes!
> EWWW!
bunny goes to baker
> got carrot cake?
< no
next day:
> got carrot cake?
< no
third day:
baker felt sad for the bunny...
> got carrot cake?
< yes!
> EWWW!
Day[9] wrote:"Tea is a lot like gold expansions - it helps you kill people."
- Day[9] Daily 337 -
Re: Jokes
Draquish wrote:Locketart wrote:You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds are?
There are twenty of them.
I lol'd.
I came
Spoiler!
woutR wrote:Squirt, you're a genius when it comes to raping women.
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tedtwilliger
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Re: Jokes
Since when did OTL become the wasteland for our terrible jokes?
Why does Beyonce sing to the left?
Because black people have no rights
Why does Beyonce sing to the left?
Because black people have no rights
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Doron
- SRF's Princess
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Re: Jokes
Starrie wrote:whiteraven, translation, there are people who are NOT from holland.
Btw, it's one of the worst jokes i've ever heard, already since the first time
you know what the worst thing of all is about this joke??
The little kids asking for carrots at mcD's since we've got them for the happy meal...
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Asteroid
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Re: Jokes
TOloseGT wrote:tedtwilliger wrote:Why does Beyonce sing to the left?
Because black people have no rights
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL, that's almost as good as my one
it was better. but yours was better than that one gibberish one
Re: Jokes
Bad day...
A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"
A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"
Re: Jokes
Please keep all the jokes in English, so people from all over the world can laugh at them.
I loved the Mc Donalds version of that one. :3
poehalcho wrote:it's pretty much this:
bunny goes to baker
> got carrot cake?
< no
next day:
> got carrot cake?
< no
third day:
baker felt sad for the bunny...
> got carrot cake?
< yes!
> EWWW!
I loved the Mc Donalds version of that one. :3
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Midori
- Veteran Member
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Re: Jokes
So theres this donut that has always wanted to be a captain of a boat. So one day he decides to go to the docks and try to be a captain of one of the boats there.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain of a huge boat. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said "No, if you come back back here again I'll kill you!". The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he really was was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
He went up to the captain and asked him "Can i be a captain?". The captain yelled no and took a bite out of him and threw him out of the window.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain of a huge boat. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said "No, if you come back back here again I'll kill you!". The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he really was was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.
He went up to the captain and asked him "Can i be a captain?". The captain yelled no and took a bite out of him and threw him out of the window.
