is it wrong

Dark Shifty · Post by **Dark Shifty** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:24 am

to have the mindframe of, "its what she needs, not what i want."

to help explain that, i like this girl who only likes me as a friend(infact best friend, she see's me as a brother kinda) but ya, anyways. she says she can always come to me and talk about everything cept one thing, its complicated, dont' ask. she already has a bf but they are kinda shaky right now and im pretty sure they are gonna break up soon. she comes to me/calls me to talk about it. lil story, sorry.

last night she got into a fight with her bf and told me about through a message on myspace. by the time i read it, she was already off and i wanted to do something nice/cute for her so i went out and bought a thing of oreo cookies and 1/2 gallon of milk for her to make her feel better, inside joke thingy about how cookies always make people feel better, so i went over(bout 9pm, not late for her and family) gave her the stuff, we talked and played a lil brawl. she was very happy i came over and that i could make her feel better.

now, with all that being said, i would do fu.king anything for this girl. she means so fu.king much to me it gets me all sad when she gets sad. but ya... anyways, back to my question. is it wrong to have that mindframe or is it what it should be?

cin · Post by **cin** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:30 am

i understand your story, but idk exactly what you mean with the mindframe.
you mean, she needs a best friend, but you want more than that? or wut.

Dark Shifty · Post by **Dark Shifty** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:31 am

cin wrote:i understand your story, but idk exactly what you mean with the mindframe.
you mean, she needs a best friend, but you want more than that? or wut.

ya, something like that.

cin · Post by **cin** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:38 am

not a weird mindframe.

tell the girl how you feel, so you won't be wasting your time
and energy on her if she's not interested. if there's one thing
about girls i've learned in the past couple of years, is that
they like to have guys around them who care and do anything for
them, while the guys they actually date are complete asshats.
not to generalize girls btw, there's always the good bunch, but
just watch out you're not gonna be this chick's pet for the next
couple of years because you can't tell her how you feel about her.

Dark Shifty · Post by **Dark Shifty** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:42 am

cin wrote:not a weird mindframe.

tell the girl how you feel, so you won't be wasting your time
and energy on her if she's not interested. if there's one thing
about girls i've learned in the past couple of years, is that
they like to have guys around them who care and do anything for
them, while the guys they actually date are complete asshats.
not to generalize girls btw, there's always the good bunch, but
just watch out you're not gonna be this chick's pet for the next
couple of years because you can't tell her how you feel about her.

im kinda nervous though of telling her how i feel cause i don't want that to ruin our relationship. also, i see this girl as being one of my best friends. so that is another reason why i don't think i should like her/date her.

here is what she wrote about me in her hero's sections, i already posted this but she updated it.

"and most of all Bryce My Last Name:(b-unit) You are my hero. You have always been there for me. You never left my side. When i was so hurt, and so down, to the point where i thought things would never be better again, you were there to bring me back up again, and always put a smile on my face. We always have a new inside joke made every week, and i Farking love the jokes we share. They get me through life, and help me get back to reality. You may not look to me as your best friend, but your the best, best friend any girl can ask for. You always know how to brighten my day, and make things all better. Even though, you and i both know, there are some things we can't talk about, somehow, i still know you care, and you are stil here, even if the words arn't said. You always care about me, and always there to talk to me, even when you have so much on your plate already, you always make room to hear my problems and hear about my day. You have been my shoulder to lean on, and my big teddy bear to cry on. [: i love you buddy.You are my hero. I would only be lost without you. Thanks for helping me find my way."

_Scarlett_ · Post by **_Scarlett_** » Thu May 08, 2008 11:51 am

It's not wrong to have those feelings, those are natural, however, it seems like your relationship is simply put on the "just friends" list.

Having feelings for another isn't wrong, just you gotta make sure they share those same feelings for you if you really want to make a move. Go ahead and tell 'er how you really feel for her; if you're desperately wanting to get the weight off your chest. The worst thing I can see happening is you keep staying friends. If your relationship's ended up over something like this, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Good Luck ~

Priam · Post by **Priam** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:09 pm

Mmm, after readin what she posted, i'm not so sure anymore. Seems like you guys got a real good thing going.

I'd see this situation more of a "If it happens, it happens, lets not force it" thing tbh.

StacE · Post by **StacE** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:13 pm

Aw =] Defo's gotta tell her man.

Personal experience at the start of the year, liked this girl she liked me and basically we were both too timid... I waited too long and basically missed the opportunity *sigh*.

Probs best not to tell her while shes dating someone but? i dunno what to do in that situation soo yeh.

Way i see it is if you never tell her then she's never going to know for sure. You seem to like her stacks and i really do think that if you never told her that then you would regret it and wish you knew what could have been.

Post by **Doron** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:21 pm

I hate they treat me like that...

I'm in love with a girl that also just sees me as a friend....

damnit...

I hate this shit.

cin · Post by **cin** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:38 pm

Icealya wrote:I'm in love with a girl that also just sees me as a friend....

happened to me lots

still happens to me lol.

RuYi · Post by **RuYi** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:42 pm

cin wrote:
Icealya wrote:I'm in love with a girl that also just sees me as a friend....

happened to me lots

still happens to me lol.

I'm sorry cin, but it just won't work out between us baby.

cin · Post by **cin** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:44 pm

RuYi wrote:
cin wrote:
Icealya wrote:I'm in love with a girl that also just sees me as a friend....

happened to me lots

still happens to me lol.

I'm sorry cin, but it just won't work out between us baby.

that hurt

Dark Shifty · Post by **Dark Shifty** » Thu May 08, 2008 8:25 pm

Priam wrote:Mmm, after readin what she posted, i'm not so sure anymore. Seems like you guys got a real good thing going.

I'd see this situation more of a "If it happens, it happens, lets not force it" thing tbh.

thats what im thinking right now, if it happens, it happens.

Post by **LillDev!l** » Thu May 08, 2008 10:10 pm

you should make her know how you feel...
your relation seems strong, it wont break that easely, youll always be a friend so that wont change.
ive had a similar situation, always wanted "her" to be as happy as possible ofcource, so it was always a dillema.. will she be happier with him or you ?^^ if "he" treats her badly, and you feel this way for her, idd say you can take perfectly good care of her and have her happy.

so in short, imo it aint "wrong" they are just your feelings, and it wont get worse, worst that can happen is that you'dd stay how you are now

gd luck ^___^

woutR · Post by **woutR** » Thu May 08, 2008 10:21 pm

There was this story I read some time ago that was prolly made up but still applies.

It's about a guy and a girl with the exact same issues like you. They are also best friends, do a lot of stuff together and he has feelings for her.
Sadly she has a BF and later a husband so the guy always keeps thinking "she doesn't like me that way".
Even later, at her funeral, her sister reads a page out of her diary and it says "he doesn't like me that way" so they were actually in love all this time but just didn't have the courage to bring it up.

All I'm saying is: you never know if you don't try.
Do you honestly think you can't be friends with her if you tell her you like her EVEN more than you already do?

Sharp324 · Post by **Sharp324** » Thu May 08, 2008 10:48 pm

Well one thing ive learned so far, usually the one who falls in love with you is the one you wouldn't expect, she could surprise you. Maybe she wants more than friends too, but doesn't say anything. Not to get personal but friend and I just got together after being extremely close friends for 3 years. Best ever.

heroo · Post by **heroo** » Thu May 08, 2008 10:50 pm

don't do anything.

big chance you mess it up, cuz she only sees you as friend.

if you mess it up, you'll loose both her love and her friendship and you'll end up with nothing.

blackfalcon · Post by **blackfalcon** » Fri May 09, 2008 12:02 am

ur definately in the friend zone. i dunno if i would tell her how u feel cuz it could hurt the relationship, but she might like u so u never know. but if u do decide to tell her, dont tell her everything and go into detail about how much u love her nd stuff. that would definately creep someone out.

gl

Silkroad · Post by **Silkroad** » Fri May 09, 2008 12:35 am

just had to be done

Dark Shifty · Post by **Dark Shifty** » Fri May 09, 2008 1:12 am

im considering 2 options right now.

1. Keep liking her without her knowing for sure that i like her and have the relationship with us stay what it is now

or

2. Try to stop liking her and move on to start liking other girls but still be a best friend for her.

which one?

salmissra · Post by **salmissra** » Fri May 09, 2008 1:15 am

Dark Shifty wrote:im considering 2 options right now.

1. Keep liking her without her knowing for sure that i like her and have the relationship with us stay what it is now

or

2. Try to stop liking her and move on to start liking other girls but still be a best friend for her.

which one?

hm tough decision but i think #2 is better for you. although i doubt you can 'stop' liking her...not as simple as it seems. but it's up to her, if she still sees you as a good FRIEND, don't try to push the boundary. let her make the first move, then you'll know for sure. for now, just be a good friend and maybe look for someone else.

Grandpa · Post by **Grandpa** » Fri May 09, 2008 3:39 am

Dark Shifty wrote:
im considering 2 options right now.
Keep liking her without her knowing for sure that i like her and have the relationship with us stay what it is now
or

Try to stop liking her and move on to start liking other girls but still be a best friend for her.
which one?

[Grandpa] intro's himself, "May I butt in?" (pardon me please)
There is a third option: Wait.
It's the toughest choice.

My thoughts about love is this is the stuff that grows between two people.
Your Love (yours and hers) isn't perfectly matched, but it isn't one sided either.

:roll:

Okay... how to say this...
Picture the dynamic of two overlapping patches of land...
Yours and hers. It's floating land, if you will.
It 'floats' through time, overlapping areas change...

Cin drew for me the Ying/Yang symbol in my AVI. Ying=Female, Yang=Male.
The 'swirly part' I added after the fact. It is the area of transition.
The border where the two meet.

What is growing between you is love.
She's faithful to her boyfriend and this is a good thing.
Others have said "not now" as have you, because the timing isn't right.
To declare 'passion' toward her 'friendship only' right now (when she is in turmoil)
... Causes more inner turmoil in her.

Her "Land" must rest.
In the sweetness of friendship; let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures.
It is the dew that forms and nourishes the plants as they grow.
Follow your heart, if indeed you must be candid, be candid beautifully.
My best advice is to look to the last line of the poem that the two of you may become.

~Grandpa

StacE · Post by **StacE** » Fri May 09, 2008 6:20 am

I know that i would always wonder what could have been if no one said anything.

Moving on, whilst being around her every day is one hell of a hard task and VERY emotionally challenging... Really.

That'll do from me, just do what you feel comfortable with... Don't push it =]

GL fella'

Priam · Post by **Priam** » Fri May 09, 2008 9:12 am

Dude, just keep doing what your doing now, your obviously doing something right. Don't change a thing. She's prolly not stupid, prolly picked up on a thing or two.

ID she likes u to, things will come together, if she doesn't, you'll have a life-time friend which imo is better then nothing at all by comin' on to her.

mahumps · Post by **mahumps** » Fri May 09, 2008 9:33 am

This are my thoughts first she has BF, even if you say they're not in a good state right now he's still her BF. It would be rude if you tell her how you feel knowing that she has a BF, it's like you don't respect her. Second she's your best friend, well there's nothing wrong in falling in love with your best friend. So this is my opinion wait for her to break up with his BF and after a while, not right after the break up, tell her how you feel. That is if you feel that she's ready to listen to you. For now be there for her as a friend.

You got to tell her how you feel somehow. Remember it's better to take chances than feel sorry whole your life thinking what could have happen if I tell her?

Breed · Post by **Breed** » Fri May 09, 2008 11:35 am

heroo wrote:don't do anything.

big chance you mess it up, cuz she only sees you as friend.

if you mess it up, you'll loose both her love and her friendship and you'll end up with nothing.

Cosigned.

Dude.... Not NOW at least. PLUS there's a bragillion other chicks out there.
Trust me, relationships arent "All That" either. Especially when your young =)

:love:

Shimrod · Post by **Shimrod** » Fri May 09, 2008 11:55 am

I never fail to be amazed why one ask these kind of questions on a forum anyway. Especially on a forum which isn't called "Dear Mona" or something.

Anyway, another option for you to consider (free of charge):

get her drunk :twisted:

Shortcut · Post by **Shortcut** » Fri May 09, 2008 12:18 pm

Shimrod wrote:get her drunk

Wow that's deep. I bet the girls love you. lol
But anyway...

Having been on both sides of this situation, I can only tell you that if you tell her be prepared for the friendship to get awkward for a while if she does not feel the same. You just have to work through that. It is possible to be friends with someone you are attracted to and keep it just friends.

And (most important piece of advice, not necessarily for you) don't be one of those creepy guy friends waiting to take advantage of her when she gets drunk. :roll:

lol

AND read this comic, it is about this situation and funny as hell besides that. lol
http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1

Shimrod · Post by **Shimrod** » Fri May 09, 2008 12:26 pm

Shortcut wrote:
Shimrod wrote:get her drunk

Wow that's deep. I bet the girls love you. lol

Meh, I'm pretty sure that Mrs Shimrod wouldn't allow it

Post by **LillDev!l** » Fri May 09, 2008 12:31 pm

woutR wrote:It's about a guy and a girl with the exact same issues like you. They are also best friends, do a lot of stuff together and he has feelings for her.
Sadly she has a BF and later a husband so the guy always keeps thinking "she doesn't like me that way".
Even later, at her funeral, her sister reads a page out of her diary and it says "he doesn't like me that way" so they were actually in love all this time but just didn't have the courage to bring it up.

good example, you never know till you try...
and for the ones who say youdd lose her, and your friendship with her, imo thats completly not true... if you just tell her gentely and dont push it 2 much only good things can come out of it, or it can stay as it is now

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