Silkroad Online Forums

Well...just to warn people ahead of time, this may be a long post...i don't know for sure yet but I am thinking of this as i am writing it.

Anywho...have any of you felt guilty about yourself for something you've done wrong in your life, that you should have done? I just have this feeling inside me all the time that wants to do something in life that will put me in a position in society where I can call myself a well educated person later in life. Right now, by the looks of what I'm doing...it won't be like that later on. In school, I've always wanted to succeed and make my parents proud. But ever since I've gotten a computer, that "dream" if you may call it, has been going downhill. I don't know what it is about a computer, but it fascinates me to such an extent that I don't do my school work, well I do most of it, but I'm not at a level where I can call myself a very good student and be high in the class rank. When every year starts, I tell myself that I will do this, do that, do this, do that...but everything ends up being undone. For instance when school starts for me, I usually "try" to set a goal for the year...to get ALL my homework done, and have an average grade of an A. But, that doesn't end up happening...I miss one assignment...then two...then three and so on. But it doesn't go to an extent where I just don't do my homework at all. Other things come up, like Silkroad when I started playing in august of 2007. I don't know what it is about Silkroad, but I've wanted to quit many times...I have left the game for a month in a row for 2 times, but then came back to it, not cause of boredom but instead because of friends. Yeah, I have real life friends but online friends are different. I am shy to say things to my rl friends, and always think that they will think differently of me after I've said this, or done that. Having online friends has showed me that that's not always the case. I used to be so shy before, to even talk about my problems to people that I'd just take it in. Yes in other words, bullying...people say stuff to me, yeah it bothers me but I don't show it. I make it seem like I don't care, but in the end, those feelings get to me...and well...I cry. Laugh all you want, but I've learned that only a brave person would reveal something like what I am revealing to the public...and not be afraid of it.

Anywho getting back onto subject, I think the computer itself is the cause of this very problem. Now everyone who posts to this will just say "leave god damnit, its that easy..it'll solve all your problems." Well, I've made tons of friends, countless amounts while being on the computer, through various different games...and saying good bye to them is a difficult thing for me. I consider being on the computer, talking to people that live in different countries, people who you've known for so long a part of my life. My parents, well maybe parents in general tend to say negative things about the computer...how it's useless and you don't learn from it. Well, tbh, I've learned 90% of things from friends who I met in games, cause they made me realize that there's no reason for you to be shy about anything, and just be yourself. I won't lie, I am a different person online than in real life...because online, I'm not afraid of anything, whilst in real life...I've always had the fear of rejection, thought of differently... But yeah..I wish I could go back and fix everything wrong that I have done and relive my life the way my parents hoped it would be. Getting good grades in school and such...but right now it isn't like that at all. I'm probably a c/low b average student, but that's not good enough. All I want to do now more than anything is just to make my parents proud...and I think the first step towards doing that is doing my homework, and concentrate a lot less on Silkroad.
And to all my friends who helped me get this far... you all for life.

Pardon me for some of my English...it isn't my first language, so some of the sentences may sound wrong.


Edit: After reading this, I have just seen how much offtopic I went throughout the whole thing...hehe well I was never a good writer, probably will never be either, but I try my best. =(

i shouldnt of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

i shouldn't have said that it would be weird for us to go to prom, in a joking way... right now, worst mistake ive made. something could've happend.

this thread just made me depressed...

/wrists

Sorry about that m8. I've been such in a happy mood the past days...having fun because summer is finally here and just relax for 3 months. But I know next year it will all come back to the same stuff...I saw things that made me open my eyes..and actually think. This is the only chance I have...and if I let it go by now, there won't be a second chance for me.

Zypher wrote:i shouldnt of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

I slacked, and all my teachers covered for me - even some saying "they lost my assignments but remember reading them". Then onto university, where I slacked even harder and never stopped. Last term I went to class less then 10 times. I ended up teaching myself through wikipedia and text books, and I somehow got by without going on academic probation. Then I look at all my classmates, who are on academic probation or already kicked out, and they go to class every day and do all their quizes and assignments. I sort of feel of feel guilty, but then I realize it's more of a feeling of pity.

What you need to do is sell your computer, yes, sell it. If you have a constant feeling of regret see a consoler/psychiatrist, they help (they've helped me anyways). I know it's hard to leave your computer/online friends behind but when you do a few days to weeks later you'll feel better.

I had addiction problems with SRO (don't play it anymore), but i got over it by realizing, can't login and won't ever get to 80.


Oh, and how long have you had this feeling?

Not so long tbh. I'm not addicted to silkroad at all...I just play it because I have nothing else to do. Before Silkroad, all I did was talk to people on msn for ages, and just have great laughs over stupid things and stuff...but after I came to Silkroad, things have changed...and I think I just need to take a break from it...and hopefully that helps me.

Edit: Like when me and my best m8 weren't speaking to each other cause of reasons...I tried to fix that, but I went away for a day, and when I got back home, I wasn't really having any fun on the PC, so I got off, and went outside. I was just relieved that I had actually taken time off the computer, and gotten my mind off the shit that was going on.

Yeah, I felt that way too for sometime, I play coz I just don't have anything to do so but I realized that life isn't always online and on PC. I go out and hang out with my family and friends. Life has so much to offer mate. You just need to balance it. You'll be ok. How about doing your assignment while on vent? =)

LuxonEmpress wrote:Well...just to warn people ahead of time, this may be a long post...i don't know for sure yet but I am thinking of this as i am writing it.

Anywho...have any of you felt guilty about yourself for something you've done wrong in your life, that you should have done? I just have this feeling inside me all the time that wants to do something in life that will put me in a position in society where I can call myself a well educated person later in life. Right now, by the looks of what I'm doing...it won't be like that later on. In school, I've always wanted to succeed and make my parents proud. But ever since I've gotten a computer, that "dream" if you may call it, has been going downhill. I don't know what it is about a computer, but it fascinates me to such an extent that I don't do my school work, well I do most of it, but I'm not at a level where I can call myself a very good student and be high in the class rank. When every year starts, I tell myself that I will do this, do that, do this, do that...but everything ends up being undone. For instance when school starts for me, I usually "try" to set a goal for the year...to get ALL my homework done, and have an average grade of an A. But, that doesn't end up happening...I miss one assignment...then two...then three and so on. But it doesn't go to an extent where I just don't do my homework at all. Other things come up, like Silkroad when I started playing in august of 2007. I don't know what it is about Silkroad, but I've wanted to quit many times...I have left the game for a month in a row for 2 times, but then came back to it, not cause of boredom but instead because of friends. Yeah, I have real life friends but online friends are different. I am shy to say things to my rl friends, and always think that they will think differently of me after I've said this, or done that. Having online friends has showed me that that's not always the case. I used to be so shy before, to even talk about my problems to people that I'd just take it in. Yes in other words, bullying...people say stuff to me, yeah it bothers me but I don't show it. I make it seem like I don't care, but in the end, those feelings get to me...and well...I cry. Laugh all you want, but I've learned that only a brave person would reveal something like what I am revealing to the public...and not be afraid of it.

Anywho getting back onto subject, I think the computer itself is the cause of this very problem. Now everyone who posts to this will just say "leave god damnit, its that easy..it'll solve all your problems." Well, I've made tons of friends, countless amounts while being on the computer, through various different games...and saying good bye to them is a difficult thing for me. I consider being on the computer, talking to people that live in different countries, people who you've known for so long a part of my life. My parents, well maybe parents in general tend to say negative things about the computer...how it's useless and you don't learn from it. Well, tbh, I've learned 90% of things from friends who I met in games, cause they made me realize that there's no reason for you to be shy about anything, and just be yourself. I won't lie, I am a different person online than in real life...because online, I'm not afraid of anything, whilst in real life...I've always had the fear of rejection, thought of differently... But yeah..I wish I could go back and fix everything wrong that I have done and relive my life the way my parents hoped it would be. Getting good grades in school and such...but right now it isn't like that at all. I'm probably a c/low b average student, but that's not good enough. All I want to do now more than anything is just to make my parents proud...and I think the first step towards doing that is doing my homework, and concentrate a lot less on Silkroad.
And to all my friends who helped me get this far... you all for life.

Pardon me for some of my English...it isn't my first language, so some of the sentences may sound wrong.


Edit: After reading this, I have just seen how much offtopic I went throughout the whole thing...hehe well I was never a good writer, probably will never be either, but I try my best. =(

same thing happened to my brother, except he was addicted to computers and deleted SRO from the PC.
Our dad was furious because he spent hours on the computer.
But now it turned out as an advantage for my bro,because hes studying computing

My Bro said

I don't give a fück about school, all i want are average grades, good grades in subjects linked to Computing and a good place to study afterwards

he made it


Ontopic: My regret is coming to germany.
Surely i can't fathom how it would've been if we had stayed in the USA, but I have become very introverted since I've been here.

Zypher wrote:i shouldnt of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

Word....one more year i would have had a HS diploma and associates degree in science.

LuxonEmpress wrote: ... those feelings get to me...and well...I cry.

I think you should hold those tears ... If they bully you , your crying will only make them bully you more ...

How old are you? You are male , right?

I know this sounds harsh... but I dont think you should be crying , in front of people that you arent connected to.
You are old enough and man-enough to hold those tears ...

I'm slacking crazy at school. I don't do homework, I usually only read the things I have to learn once or I even don't read it at all. I miss a lot of classes, I don't make assignments, I don't go to anything related to school like musicals and movies.
Still gonna pass this year. I am actually passing with flying colors.

Maybe I'll regret it some day later, but at the moment I have no regrets.

(I do VWO which is the equivalent to a straight A kid's level in the states)

computers suck

i can't slack, cuz if i do, i'll end up pulling 3 all nighters to finish my project, which isn't really a bad thing cuz my other classmates pull them wit me and we get to chatting n shit and it becomes a party

but slacking's bad, boo for u

Sounds alot like me tbh,
My story, I'll try to keep it short.
There was a girl, my first year of HS, I was happy. I had good grades in everything, did all my homework and talked on MSN while bored.
The summer came, we broke up which lead to me not being able to be around my friends (as they were still hanging around with her)
I started playing online games, FPS, made friends over summer etc..
The next year of highschool, I didn't care about grades.. didn't hang out with friends in RL because of the girl, still.
Went to school most of the time.. sure I missed some, but still got a passing grade in everything.
Now this is my final year, I started in 7 classes.. around halfway through the year I dropped 3 of them thinking meh, don't need the credits.. waste of time.
I've barely been to my classes, my highest mark is in english.. 6x, 5x in the rest.
I'll pass three of them, I'm not sure about math though. I need above 50 on the final to pass the course.. and it's a public exam which are suppose to be really hard.

Wow that's not short at all. Sorry about that.
If I get my diploma this year, I will try to do.. something with computers, they're the only thing I'm good with.
You'd think after two years a person would be able to get over a stupid thing such as a girl, oh well.. next year is a new year, if I do pass I'll probably go to college (tradeschool).. new chance to make new friends. If I don't, well I guess it's a repeat of this year.. but most people in the grade before me don't know me, maybe I can make a better year out of it.
Sorry again for the longass post >< (I left out the part about SRO huh.. after leaving msn and FPS games I came to SRO, yeah.)

I have somewhat regretted not finishing my computer science degree. But I was never a programmer anyway, I like to troubleshoot and break/fix things on the computer.

However:

But ever since I've gotten a computer, that "dream" if you may call it, has been going downhill. I don't know what it is about a computer, but it fascinates me to such an extent

Why not take classes that educate you about the computer's workings? Some programming classes, hardware stuff if they offer it, build a computer yourself, install Linux or alternative OS's, troubleshoot things when they go wrong (spyware, viruses, all that jazz).

Not saying you should do this, but pointing out it can be a viable career option and something you can focus on. It sounds like you're lacking direction.

As for SRO/MSN/etc, nothing wrong with it, if you can play in moderation - and realize that those friends you meet on the computer - you may never meet in real life.

Zypher wrote:i shouldn't of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

thought you were smarter than that especially since teacher practically try to throw you of HS to see you graduate.

OT: wtf was this about. this reminds me of having a conversation with one of those people who aren't really talking to you, just talking at you, bouncing their feelings off you to hear them out loud. You post a problem and then you posted your reason/explanation, then you posted your solution....what do you want from us.

No i can't relate if thats what your thinking, I'm a success.

Finishing High school and going to collage is what sepperates the lawyers from the construction workers.
That's pretty much the only reason I go. So I can have a great life for me and my future wife and kids

Man i totally agree with you i think computer has messed me up very bad.. i know 100% that if i had never had a computer i prolly would not have this problem..of addictin i also feel like sro has made me forget about life and slow me down a bit..i wish i could just sell my pc and make some REAL friends instead of being a dam computer geek and i do feel like this computer addiction has made me get horrible grades..and also now that im in 10th grade im failing my math class but im not even bothering to look for help because i know now is too late ..i never did my math homework after i realized i wasnt gonna pass math class this year and now im just glad that this year is only 2 days away(at least here in florida) and now that my rogue is lvl 71 i have a whole summer to vl it up...or do i ..i dont know if i should use this time to play sro or take a break from it i really just want to get to lvl 80/90 already so maybe i lose the reason to play this game

I DO FEEL GUILTY THAT i started playing online games wish i could change that...

sorry for spelling mistakes or if its too long

wow amazing.. that's exactly how I feel. Internet facked my life I can say. Grades went down cause I study alot less than I used to, almost broke up with my boyfriend because he tells me I spend too much time playing online games and chatting with online friends, sometimes ignoring him.. even had some sort of online affair, which, as stupid as it sounds it can leave deep wounds, like it did to me and poor boyfriend.

Yes, online friends are the only good thing you can come across over the internet. But again, not 100% sure. In the last few months I had terrible shocks with nice people I only know online. You can never know how a person really is just like that. Got in hospital with severe depression cause of online friend doing stupid things. Got involved in big ugly online drama while trying to get him out of it. Couldn't eat or sleep for about 1 week, became a zombie, thinking it was all my fault. Realised in the end that he never cared about this and felt stupid. And I also realised that can't make someone do or think differently over the internet, and most of the time it's not even worth trying. If they think they're doing the right thing, ost of the people won't listen to you, they'll just do it.

So yeah, I really need to get away from internet. Not totally but I decided I won't spend so much time in front of the computer no more. I won't quit SRO now that I came back, but I'll reduce the hours heh. And yeah, MSN is evil. Just realised that only about 10% of my online friends are worth to be called friends. Rest are stalkers, weird people or they just don't care.
Next year will be very hard... alot of exams, so no more online games. Boyfriend moving in my town so yay no need to stay online anymore, as the main reason for which I use computer is to talk with boyfriend... we can't stay on the phone all day long heh. But during the hours he's not at home, working I found other things to do in the last 2 years so I messed everything.

This summer I just decided I'll start over, take my life back and stop taking online stuff seriously.. I'll just spend alot more time with rl friends (who, btw, will never understand if you tell them about online drama. They just stare at you and say "wth get over it, it's internet"). And maybe they're right. I don't say it's bad to have online friends, some of them are just awesome, and even though they're far away from me I'd just fly to them and give them a big hug <3. But sometimes it all goes so wrong and you get disappointed. Nothing is what it seems to be over the internet, yeah that's true.

long long post, and I still have things to say about all this, and I'm sorry if I don't make sense or some parts just sound stupid. I messed my head with all I wanted to say and that's about it

My grades would be better if I could focus on my books more often, but I don't blame my comp.
A stupid pencil and a piece of paper would have the same effect or any random decent book.


BTW you should never get good grades for your parents. Getting good grades should be done for yourself. Your parents don't benefit from them, you will.

Tasdik wrote:Finishing High school and going to collage is what sepperates the lawyers from the construction workers.
That's pretty much the only reason I go. So I can have a great life for me and my future wife and kids

Being able to write is... important too. Especially if you're going to attend college.

Tasdik wrote:Finishing High school and going to collage is what sepperates the lawyers from the construction workers.
That's pretty much the only reason I go. So I can have a great life for me and my future wife and kids

construction workers actually make good money. Americans have this idea that white-collar jobs are better than Blue-Collar jobs which is a misconception in most cases. My Friend wasn't out of HS and he was making $20-$25 an hour working with his dad on construction part time.

XemnasXD wrote:

Zypher wrote:i shouldn't of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

thought you were smarter than that especially since teacher practically try to throw you of HS to see you graduate.

the principle helped me so much, but i was just bored/lazy didnt want to go anymore

Zypher wrote:

XemnasXD wrote:

Zypher wrote:i shouldn't of dropped out of highschool my senior year.

thought you were smarter than that especially since teacher practically try to throw you of HS to see you graduate.

the principle helped me so much, but i was just bored/lazy didnt want to go anymore

so what do you now?

@topicstarter the best thing to do is to just quit your computer for the rest of your high school year. The reason why so many people screw up their lives is because during high school they play too much. Its 4 years of high school vs. 40 years of life. I think studying hard for 4 years, and then getting into a good college and being able to relax more for the rest of your life is a better trade off

Jstar1 wrote:

done a few online classes

been learning some java/c++ etc

Amazing...
I really feel the same, that if i haven't started on the computer i would be a normal person, and i think i wouldn't like that i'm a normal person like everyone else, i learned a lot through internet and made lots of pretty good friends, and even comunicating better with them than with RL friends...<to be continued>

wow, im the opposite of you guys. last year i got a 3.9 gpa ( i think it was all A's and one B ) and i was playing sro 24/7
and now i dont play as much and im getting a 2.5 gpa =_=

LaloHao wrote:Amazing...
I really feel the same, that if i haven't started on the computer i would be a normal person, and i think i wouldn't like that i'm a normal person like everyone else, i learned a lot through internet and made lots of pretty good friends, and even comunicating better with them than with RL friends...<to be continued>

How come you aren't a "normal person" if you spend time on the computers? If "normal" means what a large amount of people do, then being in the computer is a normal thing to do.


OnT: I've felt somewhat like this before. The first step to avoid letting the online life be an obstacle for your offline life is to realize what's what you like of that online life. The thing is that most of us love the idea of an environment where we can be anyone or better yet, be ourselves without the direct social pressure.
There's so many people in the internet that you can act and say anything you've kept hidden from the people you have direct contact with for fear of negative consecuences and be accepted (you'll probably be criticized too but there's bound to be a few people that likes your personality over the net).
However, you need to learn to have priorities and settle them. Wether your highest priority is an online life or not is your decision, but having a clear image of what is it you want from your life is up to you and will help you to accept yourself and be more confident. Remember that, for good or bad, people on the net can't affect your close environment so if it's your family/school/love relationship, etc, what concerns you the most then don't be afraid of getting apart a bit from your e-friends, they also should be resonable and understand your reasons.
Online (non-academic) life is just a mind entertainment (in my opinion), just for recreation. Just decide if tangible benefits are more important than subjective ones.

The question is:
Is more important than ?

Online might (argueably [not sure of the spelling]) have more freedom but Offline is more intense.

(if you wonder why i don't use the term "real life" is because i think online is real life as well, we all are people connected to the net, "not tangible" doesn't mean it's not real).

People cannot have a relationship online, period. It takes a while to get to know someone, when your just "chatting" your not getting the whole book, but a fragment.

Now having a friend and moving where you have to talk online is another story, but it ends the same, you just, can't, do it. I don't know what happened to my old friends, but they never speak to me online, but I can live with that.


============[Back on topic]============

I felt guilty about alot of things. It's just a burden we have to bear. The shit I've been through would turn normal people emo, but I don't want to discuss that with others. Remember to keep it on your back, don't shove it on someone else's, because everyone has their own load.

^ It might work if that someone lives maybe a town away from you but even then you won't always be there to moniter them So yea i am sure that 90% Of online relationships are done for osme reasons that people wan to hide.
I for one don't believe in it. Unless you have met the person and you know how they really are,look,feel and talk it will not work.

And as for the poster lifes rough =/.