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100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:35 am
by Nuklear
Can't stop laughing.
http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greate ... hat_rooms/

My favorite:
Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

LOL

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:39 am
by Silkroad
im soryy but... OWNED

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!


DOUBLE OWNED

LOLZ

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:40 am
by Azn_Pride
Where in the world do you find all this hilarious stuff dude lolz. anyways, this one was funny too :D

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:44 am
by XemnasXD
lmao....i think i'll be laughing for quite some time

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:47 am
by Nuklear
Azn_Pride wrote:Where in the world do you find all this hilarious stuff dude lolz.

http://www.digg.com

-edit

God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:57 am
by XemnasXD
There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.



lmao

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:03 am
by torinchibi
Rofl ..... not that I want to offend all the religious people out there, but religion seems to make people dumb somehow.

BTW, if there is a Christian or someone knowledgeable about religion, I would like them to tell me exactly where in the bible it says being gay is wrong.

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.


Gravity is a myth people! Made me laugh even more, this guy needs to attend school one more time.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:04 am
by Silkroad
this is just hilarious

Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:08 am
by XemnasXD
A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

[Yes. It should (be legal). Otherwise you're screwing over the women who don't deserve their fate.]

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:16 am
by torinchibi
[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.


The christians out there must feel dumb right about now....

Oh wait, wait! Behold the wisdom....of a pre-galileian.

What is called 'Science' today and 'scientists' consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the 'Priest-Entertainers' for the common people. 'Science' consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology... nothing good has ever come from 'science' --- In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: "Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane." By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)... but for a second can you imagine what these so-called 'scientists would have us believe --- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH - A DREAM - A DELUSION - and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world... this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE... a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning "herd"... prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the "modern" superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: "It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories." Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:23 am
by Silkroad
torinchibi wrote:
[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.


The christians out there must feel dumb right about now....


please don't generalize... u sound just as bad as them

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:28 am
by torinchibi
Silkroad wrote:
torinchibi wrote:
[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.


The christians out there must feel dumb right about now....


please don't generalize... u sound just as bad as them



....In what way? I didn't say all christians are dumb, I said they must feel dumb by reading something like that being said by a fellow christian and being backed up with religion. I don't see what's wrong with what I said.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:36 am
by Silkroad
torinchibi wrote:

....In what way? I didn't say all christians are dumb, I said they must feel dumb by reading something like that being said by a fellow christian and being backed up with religion. I don't see what's wrong with what I said.



there was nothing being backed up by any religious fact ... it's just some dumb fck who prolly never went to school past the 5th grade and prolly can't even understand whats going on around him , much less can he be considered "apt" to interpret the bible( in short this can't comprehend the bible hence he can't really be considered a real christian, hes just another religious fanatic)...

im tired :( good night

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:41 am
by /Pi
Best find for 2008 so far. I can't stop laughing. I remember getting some of these in the Christian groups in facebook. :twisted:

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:44 am
by XemnasXD
Silkroad wrote:
torinchibi wrote:

....In what way? I didn't say all christians are dumb, I said they must feel dumb by reading something like that being said by a fellow christian and being backed up with religion. I don't see what's wrong with what I said.



there was nothing being backed up by any religious fact ... it's just some dumb fck who prolly never went to school past the 5th grade and prolly can't even understand whats going on around him , much less can he be considered "apt" to interpret the bible( in short this can't comprehend the bible hence he can't really be considered a real christian, hes just another religious fanatic)...

im tired :( good night


bah bah bah....

The person is clearly a christian as they have clearly accepted Jesus christ as their person savior. Just because they are a fanatic does not undo their christian status, some christians are proud of there fanatic devotion...You take the good with bad you can;t consider dumb Christians non-Christians anymore than i can consider dumb atheist non-atheist....

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:48 am
by torinchibi
Rofl, that one with Atheists ruling the world was funny. Apparently all atheists are criminals and murderers that rape and do drugs. I was not aware of that fact.

Not that I want to start a religious argument, but I wonder how a lot of these guys ignore science yet at the same time use it to prove something from the bible...

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:56 am
by /Pi
torinchibi wrote:Rofl, that one with Atheists ruling the world was funny. Apparently all atheists are criminals and murderers that rape and do drugs. I was not aware of that fact.


You forgot eating babies. :love:

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:08 am
by [AoW]ForLife
:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
That made my day.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:08 am
by Silver0
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie


ROFL seriously 500 years from now i hope there is no trace of this crap

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 1:07 pm
by iGod
Burn those ignorant fanatics at the stake...

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 1:25 pm
by SpInKsTaR
ROFL

(What do doctors who perform abortions deserve?)

I vote death.....

It will be a double whammy... kill the murderer and we will be one less liberal too.



Bit harsh IMO

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:32 pm
by .//curb
these are too funny.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:45 pm
by Luoma
torinchibi wrote:
[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.

Got me lollin' xD

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:58 pm
by Jantje
What do the other human persons here think ?

No doubt someone will object, saying something obviously ridiculous like, but atheists are persons.

But clearly this is mistaken because anybody without a well developed belief in God is obviously not a full human person.

What could be more obvious than that ?

How many full human persons do you know without a well developed belief in God. Obviously none, because if they were full human person they would have a well developed belief in God.

Now some people might object to killing atheists for there (and obviously it is there and not thier as they are not whos but whats ) organs but think of all the full human persons that would benifit from the organs and the medical research that could be done on these non-persons.

How could anybody object, they are not human persons and if you think we should not kill them then that is just because of out dated ideas and because they must really just want people to suffer. For shame on you !

So what do people think ?

Should we kill these atheist human non-persons for the benifit of fully human persons ?

Jason


LOOOOOL omfg :D

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:06 pm
by salmissra
LOL omfg so damn stupid. i sincerely hope that some of them were lies cuz i can't imagine someone being so...disillusioned...to believe that. i especially loved the first one, gravity and "evil"ution.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:45 pm
by StuckUP
I'm now convinced that Christian Devotes are the most narrow minded people on the planet.

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:46 pm
by redneck
StuckUP wrote:I'm now convinced that Christian Devotes are the most narrow minded people on the planet.


STFU Its only American Christians that are making other Christians look bad... European Roman Catholics kickass

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:51 pm
by XemnasXD
redneck wrote:
StuckUP wrote:I'm now convinced that Christian Devotes are the most narrow minded people on the planet.


STFU Its only American Christians that are making other Christians look bad... European Roman Catholics kickass


you can't excuse european christians, of all people, of ignorance

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:53 pm
by redneck
XemnasXD wrote:
redneck wrote:
StuckUP wrote:I'm now convinced that Christian Devotes are the most narrow minded people on the planet.


STFU Its only American Christians that are making other Christians look bad... European Roman Catholics kickass


you can't excuse european christians, of all people, of ignorance


I just did....

Re: 100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:54 pm
by StuckUP
XemnasXD wrote:
redneck wrote:
StuckUP wrote:I'm now convinced that Christian Devotes are the most narrow minded people on the planet.


STFU Its only American Christians that are making other Christians look bad... European Roman Catholics kickass


you can't excuse european christians, of all people, of ignorance


+1 It they that started this mess in the first place.