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BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:40 pm
by Isis
BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator..... ( applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man , there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
So funny and so true!!!
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:42 pm
by rek
Are you a lesbian Feminist? jk
These are pretty fuunny. I LOLd
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:48 pm
by Luoma
some of them are funny ^^
although this really doesnt apply to all guys
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:50 pm
by Isis
It so far applys to all guys that I know
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:52 pm
by Priam
hater!
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:53 pm
by Luoma
Bastet wrote:It so far applys to all guys that I know
well then you havn't met the humble, cooking, helping guys of falun in sweden
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:55 pm
by Isis
Luoma wrote:Bastet wrote:It so far applys to all guys that I know
well then you havn't met the humble, cooking, helping guys of falun in sweden
Must be just Brit's then...
Re: BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:00 pm
by cin
Bastet wrote:Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Re: BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:07 pm
by 0l3n
Bastet wrote:Because I'm a man , there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
I never think about sports or cars
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:27 pm
by BlackFox
Only say ------ LMAO
Re: BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:39 pm
by Megalomaniac
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
True xD
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:54 pm
by Krevidy
Im a man!!!
and you ppl are galls 
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:17 pm
by redneck
reK wrote:Are you a lesbian Feminist?
These are pretty fuunny. I LOLd
lesbian.....
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:20 pm
by Isis
redneck wrote:reK wrote:Are you a lesbian Feminist?
These are pretty fuunny. I LOLd
lesbian.....
Sorry, I love men to much to be a lesbian
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:21 pm
by Luoma
redneck wrote:lesbian.....
Because I'm a man, i think every girl is a lesbian and girls go to the
bathroom together to look at eachothers breasts.
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:28 pm
by Stormprobe
Because i'm a man, i make belive the baby isn't crying and wait for you to take care of him.
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:29 pm
by [SD]Master_Wong
Bastet wrote:Luoma wrote:Bastet wrote:It so far applys to all guys that I know
well then you havn't met the humble, cooking, helping guys of falun in sweden
Must be just Brit's then...
not met me then
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:05 pm
by Innovacious
Meh, your just jealous
The following summarises just why men are happier people
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be Prime Minister.
* You can never be pregnant.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because
this one is just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress $5000. Suit rental-$100.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:24 pm
by Megalomaniac
Innovacious wrote:Meh, your just jealous
The following summarises just why men are happier people
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be Prime Minister.
* You can never be pregnant.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because
this one is just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress $5000. Suit rental-$100.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
Too true XD
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:29 pm
by satman83
Bastet wrote:redneck wrote:reK wrote:Are you a lesbian Feminist?
These are pretty fuunny. I LOLd
lesbian.....
Sorry, I love men to much to be a lesbian
and red bull
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:44 pm
by takolin
Luoma wrote:redneck wrote:lesbian.....
Because I'm a man, i think every girl is a lesbian and girls go to the
bathroom together to look at eachothers breasts.
You made me lol
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:06 pm
by Posei
Innovacious wrote:Meh, your just jealous
The following summarises just why men are happier people
* You know stuff about tanks.
Hahaha... random but true
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:22 pm
by TwelveEleven
I'm not that kind of man <_<
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:24 pm
by satman83
TwelveEleven wrote:I'm not that kind of man <_<
sheman then?
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:30 pm
by grap3s04wr
redneck wrote:reK wrote:Are you a lesbian Feminist?
These are pretty fuunny. I LOLd
lesbian.....
lol
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:48 pm
by Shadowman20818
takolin wrote:Luoma wrote:redneck wrote:lesbian.....
Because I'm a man, i think every girl is a lesbian and girls go to the
bathroom together to look at eachothers breasts.
You made me lol
Just look? Jeez, my school's much more fun.
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:13 pm
by GrimJow
Shadowman20818 wrote:takolin wrote:Luoma wrote:redneck wrote:lesbian.....
Because I'm a man, i think every girl is a lesbian and girls go to the
bathroom together to look at eachothers breasts.
You made me lol
Just look? Jeez, my school's much more fun.
WOW i wana go to your school
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:11 pm
by Rainigul
I thought the last one was funny.
The others were pretty good too, but the last one's the best
Keep these coming by the way, they're funny.
Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:16 am
by Stormprobe
Wtf
You were scared about the time you lost the remote and was gonna miss favorite show but had the calculator in your hand [applies for some engineers]
?? You mean you can make a remote out of a calculator
