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What are some quotes that you find deeply profound? interesting? or just out loud funny?

Anyways, share them ^^

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity"

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."

"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut." -Albert Einstein.



"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."

"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."-Steveng Wright

Those are just a few of tthe ones I have in store.

"It would seem that you have been caught by the very person who was trying to catch you."

"How ironic."

(Classic simpsons )

(Lady)

"Sir if you were my husband i would posion your meal"

(Winston Churchill)

"My dear lady, if you were my wife then i would gladly eat it"

That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false.
Paul Valery

The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.
Paul Valery

Paul Valery is the shit. I used to have these two quotes and more in my sig on the last forum I used. I used to know of quite a few more, but I forgot em.

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."
Kurt Vonnegut

"pig a is backwards this reads whoever"

(this quote was from a site in celebration of the year of the pig)

"We think the flower on the precipice is beautiful because our fear make our feet stop at its edge, instead of stepping forward into the sky like that flower"

"The mermaid, serenading songs of archaic times, the melancholic melody permeates the midnight air;
It can't cry, not because it feels no sorrow, but because it has no tears;
It can't speak, not because it has no words to say, but because it has no voice;
It's always swimming in the cold sea, surfacing to gaze intently at the land, waiting for the silhouette that never appeared."

(from a tragedy about a mermaid in love with a human... I love that story so much )

Shimohime wrote:"pig a is backwards this reads whoever"

(this quote was from a site in celebration of the year of the pig)

If you're chinese it makes sense either way

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry".
Rita Rudner

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Jay Leno

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac".
George Carlin

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."David Beckham

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
Brian O'Rourke

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
Michelle Mastrolacasa

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson

And so on...

"It is in peace that sons bury their fathers; but it is in war that fathers bury their sons."

Or something to that effect

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you. "
Lao Tzu

"Better ask forgiveness than permission."

Tell me where that is from and you get an e-cookie.

It sounds like a line from Eternal Sunshine but I think they said it differently there. So that's probably not what you're thinking of.

Nope, not from that.

"Happiness is like a kiss, you must share it to enjoy it."

"It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."
-Garry Marshall

"Regret for wasted time is more wasted time."
-Mason Cooley

"I would rather betray the world than let the world betray me"

from Romance of the Three Kingdoms

"Because we do not know when we are going to die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well and yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood? An afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 .... 5 times more. Perhaps not even that. How many times will you watch the full moon rise ...... Perhaps twenty and yet it all seems limitless."

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
You control your own destiny.