Best HOMER SIMPSON quotes

[Ash]

Just for lols xD if you have more add 'em

TRAMA-POLINE TRAMBAP-POLINE!

Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!

Maybe just once someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Facts are meaningless. You couldn't use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Facts Shmacks!

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Save me Jebus!

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Donuts... is there anything they can't do?

Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Mmmmmm - 64 slices of American cheese.

First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!

Alright brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. But lets just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

I'm a rageoholic, I can't live without rageohol!

I know we don't call as often as we should and we aren't as well behaved as our goodie two-shoes brother Canada. Who by the way has never had a girlfriend. I'm just saying.

Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?

[Snoopy]

"Doh!"

[Toasty]

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

[Doppleganger]

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[vietxboy911]

I dont feel the homer-ness unless i see a video of him auctually saying them