Tsume wrote:Sorry, internet was dead. Here's what happened for those who want to know.
First off, here's a conversation with one of my anal beads that I had about "it":
My Anal Bead: Look, see I can be black.
Anyway! You asked Linda yet?
I'm on Cains laptop because I'm staying at his, and he doesn't have msn -.-
If you haven't, any "developments"?
As you see I'm kinda bored.
Tah. x.
Me: Ahh I was gonna do it today. But shit happens and now she's mad at me.
Although before today I had lots of "developements". Everyday before and after school we hugged ^_^
But I farked things up. Don't ask because I don't want to talk about it. I'm just gonna try to slip back in and be smooth and shit
Anal Bead: For fucks sakes Sibi!
Joking.
Okay, I wont ask yet. But I will probably another time. Curiosity killed the cat. Luckily I'm a dog then eh?
See, I'm even trying to be nice with extremely dry jokes I make up on the spot, then laugh about later.
Okay then, explain it to me another time.
Good Luck!
Tah. x.
Me: Hmm well things are alright now. Been better though. We decided to forget about "the incident".
Anal Bead: "The Incident"? Care to elaborate?
Me: Meh, **** it. Turns out Linda's a real bitch. Long story.
Long story short, she made her best friend, Joy, hate her. Joy is like a really good friend of mine too so I can't really stay friends with her AND like Linda at the same time. So I chose Joy because well, we're like tight. Besides, I'd rather choose a friendship over a possible relationship with someone that's a bitch.
So yeah, thanks for you help anyway. But it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway, she just doesn't feel that way about me I suppose. But whatever, she made one of my best female friends (and one of the only ones) hate her. I did really like Linda but you know how things are, she'll never feel that way about me. I thought that there was something special between us but I guess there isn't.
/wrist
/wrist
/wrist
(o_\\) <-- Emo face
Anyywayy, I think I made a right decision.
Anal Bead: Woah, that's a dramatic change of events.
Bros before hoes
Are you okay, for some strange reason my spidey senses are telling me you're rather depressed.?.
x.Tah.
((P.s. SIBI! Thats atrocious language to be using. You're meant to be the sensible one!))
Me: Ugh, yeah, huge change of events.
Depressed? No, I'm fine. Hugging trees really helps me get un-depressed. Plus Joy and I talked about it which made me feel better
Everything's fine, no biggie.
*2 Weeks Later*
Me: First of all, I know this message is uber long. But read it all, I really need help.
I know I said that we'd leave offline messages on MSN. However the computer I'm using doesn't have MSN atm so I just have to tell you over mail.
Ok, so now I really farked things up. Well, first of all I don't know exactly what I did wrong. Anyway, Linda managed to get her hands on a note that I was writing to Joy, and well, there was some pretty intense shit in there. Here's what I wrote in the note (what I can remember of it at least):
"Joy, it was bad just as I thought. (I'm referring to a question that Linda wanted to ask me, Joy said it might be something good but I'm very pessimistic and knew it'd be bad) Linda thinks that I like you, because well, of rumors that have been spreading around. Now we all know that's not true and I don't know why she believes it. It was just last week that I told her I liked her. And you know I don't change my mind easily about things like these. Also Linda thinks that me and you have been spreading shit about her, not that it's true. It's almost as if she totally forgot about last week when I told her I liked her. You know how she said to you, "You're wrong. I can pretend nothing happened." I don't think she's pretending anymore, I think that she either forgot about it or just doesn't want to believe it. Joy, you know how you told me that she said she thinks she's too good for me? I'm starting to think that it's true. This whole thing was pointless to begin with. If only you could've me about her saying that she knows she'll never liked me, that would have saved me A LOT of trouble. But what's done is done, nothing could have happened between us anyway, she's just never feel "that" way about me."
Anyway, Joy ended up reading it later, of course I didn't know that Linda had read it. But this is how Joy replied:
"I'll ttyl. And by the way, I didn't say she said she was too good for you. Apparently I swore to her that I couldn't tell you. She's gonna talk to you later, so please don't give anything away."
After that Linda came up to me confronted me about the note that I sent Joy. She seemed really mad about the way I talked about her. She went on about how she didn't forget, apparently it just seems like Joy and I like each other. And now the worth part - She said, "You know what, I am to good for you" and just walked off. I'm so Farking depressed right now, I don't know what to do. She's obviously really mad at me because she's actually a really nice person and wouldn't say shit like that.
P.S.
Joy told me that
- Linda said she'll never be able to like me in that way.
- Apparently Linda told Joy to tell me that Linda liked some guy so I would get depressed and well, Linda had a good laugh about it. I mean what the **** is that?! I feel like she's just Farking toying with my feelings
Okay, that's all. Bye
Anal Bead: No offence, and don't get mad at me, but Linda sounds like a bitch. It doesnt seem as you were doing anything wrong, and what you said in the note, or so I presume, isn't offencive at all. I think she's being dramatic. But I don't know her really so yeah.
Don't beat yourself up about it. It's just a bitchy girly thing.
And no, if she treats you like this, she sure as hell aint too good for you, probably the other way around, because you are a nice guy and she's treating you like shit.
Reply, don't take offence.
She's not worth your tears.
Ps.
If you still, after all this, like her, even though she treats you like this, (>.<), tell me, and I'll see what I can do.
Me: I don't know what to do...She's been getting real close to this guy lately. Even thought she's bitchy, dramatic and will never like me, I can't help but liking her...I don't know what it is about her that I really like. I know that she's actually a really nice person, but apparently all the Asian girls over here are really dramatic.
But whatever, personally I don't think anything will happen between us. Nonetheless I still really like her.
-----------------
Here's what Linda wrote on her blog that she doesn't know I have access to:
but we werent best friends in the first place so i guess it cant be as bad. It hurts to loose a friend, even the possibility of it shatter my heart just a little :/ i know the key is communication but how does that work when we both know that we are just pretending and acting as if nothing's wrong?
He, isnt why this is all happening, i know it. He's only a catalyst. speeding up the process of what will happen. To be honest, i never realised that this was all happening until today. i'm taking my chances even if i'm only 75% sure. it all makes sense if it is true.
you know this is really just between you and me. confronting would help, but would you admit to it? since it's between you and me, dont make other people sad.Dont use peoplea round me even though you know that hurts me the most.I cant even call it growing apart since we werent really that close in the first place but i guess i'll settle for "personality clash" :/
I'm going to tell him what i should've a long time ago. we may not be as closely knitted together as u && him are, but i know i should, i need to. otherwise i'd end up loosing two friends.
And this: Seriously. when did it? was it when you guys started chucking notes around or did i bring this onto myself?
You have no idea how much it hurt me when i saw it. math was just a trying to cool off time. like fooo cereal. Jenny saw me close to tears, but i held it back.Knowing a friend's not very happy makes you sad too u know.
when DID things get so complicated? it seemed only yesterday that we were all just little kids thinking that drinking too much tea could get you high; thinking that barbies or teddy bears were the bomb. suddenly time swirls && we're all teenagers. dealing with things that are challenging and utterly unhandle-able. =W=
I actually have no idea what got me so upset though. maybe it's because you thought i forgot. or maybe because to me what you wrote made me seem like a down-right bitch.
i'm not perfect. waves && waves of rumours can drag me away. but no one, not even me can forget it when someone tells u "that". It's jsut my way of pretending nothing happened. i guess.
FYI, i do care. i may seem like a heartless bitch, but even heartless bitches care. i dont think i'm too good for anyone. just to make things clear once again.
even though i'm pretty pissed off atm. even if there was a misunderstanding && u can't see what's right in front of you. you are still a friend && a friend doesn't deserve to be neglected or upset or whatever you're feeling right now.
--------------------
So basically I'm a Farking moron who farked things up. And she's Asian, so she's very dramatic and makes a big deal out of little things, which is why she always gets so upset when I make the tiniest mistake. I've just decided to stop trying, because as of lately she's been getting real close to this really good friend of mine to get me to stop liking her. [My anal bead told me that]
But whatever, I knew that I didn't
really have a chance with her. I don't even know why I tried, if only my anal bead had told me earlier that Linda said, "I know I'll never like him" I would have never tried in the first place. I guess she'll just never feel "that" way about me. I'll just stay friends with her, it's better than nothing...
Reise for Mod.
