Hitting a children

[Grandpa]

A friend of mine used a ¼ inch wide hickory stick and stated, "The flex in the stick gives it the sting."
My boss was given a choice when he was young, "Kneel on rice or get a beating." His knees are still messed up from the torture.

The state of Washington offered "Parenting Classes" and tried to teach parents how to cope with the frustration of rearing children. Once, when I was exhausted, my son cried without ceasing and honestly I wanted to pick that baby up and toss him against the wall. What I learned from the state run parenting class was that I was not alone. Lots of parents feel frustration when dealing with kids (and especially 1st born babies). How guilty I felt for having those feelings. It was just a little baby.

It never made sense to me to hit, or yell, or discipline babies to make them be quiet. *Smack*, I told you to *SMACK* STOP crying!!

When my boys got older I asked them to look around and speak to their friends and ask them if their parents loved them. Then ask, "How do you know?" The main thing for me when they were babies was to appear stern and strict (when needed) to 'set the stage' but to be certain that I NEVER broke their spirit. The replies that I got from my sons about their friends surprised me. We spoke about discipline and the majority of their friends had dads who would come home drunk and they KNEW not to mess with him -- then. If I were to see or observe any child abuse (things that would leave scars or marks) it would be 911 time.

I've used variations of what others have written about, ex. "Sit on your hands." It wasn't the military style but my boys were trained to stop and sit on their hands as a warning, they were trained also to 'seek my eye' if they didn't know if what they were doing was okay or not. I've used Time-Outs too and am a big fan for this, have given toys Time-Outs (much to the amusement of my sons) also. For instance, if they were taking a teddy-bear and smashing it against the wall repeatedly while I was on the phone they knew they were 'in trouble'. Change of pace - and their toy would be sent to Time-Out. Fun stuff.

I have spanked both my sons. They were trained to obey and when I sent them to their rooms with the command, "Go to your rooms and bend over," they would. If I was angry I'd take my time and calm down before I went in. Typical situation would be me coming in and with a calm voice asking, "Do you know why you are getting a spanking?"

There were only three (3) laws:

1. Do not hurt (or give the appearance of being willing to hurt) others.
2. Do not hurt (or give the appearance of being willing to hurt) yourself.
3. Don't break things.

It amused me to see them bending over on the edge of the bed, playing quietly while they waited, but I couldn't let them see me smile at the sight of their little bums turned upwards. "Yes, daddy. It was because I was throwing the cat at my brother."

My question to parents who hit their kids is, "How can you give what you do not have?"
If we are attempting to discipline and teach discipline must we not first commit to do so ourselves? Hitting in anger is verboten.

[Disconn3cted]

Its funny how everyone says that hitting your kids makes them stop but all the little pricks I see are the ones that get hit by their parents, I think it does the opposite of what its supposed to do. Its much more effective to lock them in their room or cut their internet cable anyone would know what hell that is and its better than making someone hate their parents by beating them.

[Verfo]

Its funny how everyone says that hitting your kids makes them stop but all the little pricks I see are the ones that get hit by their parents, I think it does the opposite of what its supposed to do. Its much more effective to lock them in their room or cut their internet cable anyone would know what hell that is and its better than making someone hate their parents by beating them.

i agree grounding them is better

[Grandpa]

Its funny how everyone says that hitting your kids makes them stop but all the little pricks I see are the ones that get hit by their parents, I think it does the opposite of what its supposed to do. Its much more effective to lock them in their room or cut their internet cable anyone would know what hell that is and its better than making someone hate their parents by beating them.

I agree. You sig says it well, 'DISCONNECTED'. Breaking the bond that exists between parent and child by abuse in any form is dysfunctional.

~Granps

[[SD]Master_Wong]

generations before us were beaten or hit as a form of disiplin and they turned out more respectful then we are

[Grandpa]

My dad had a very strict mother. He was born in 1911. I've seen pics (but she died before I was born) and she was a terror.

"Why??" "Why, Mommy?"

He was in the wood shed with a strap taken to his back, "This if for the time you thought you were getting away with it." He was given beatings for no reason. Yeah, he was 'respectful' but he also had a deep seated resentment toward women. His idea of raising children was called 'neglect'.

[TheDarkness]

What does Asian parents have to do with hitting children?

cuz they have higher expectations, and are more strict than your white parents... look at this vid

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... G3Cg&hl=en

edit this one is better

http://www.youtube.com/v/8EzDs_din3g&hl=en

you took my idea

[Flagg]

Lulz @ your grammar...

[devin]

if you mean spank then yes. hitting them out of anger no. spare the rod spoil the child. and its true! i got spanked. with a big ol leather belt. lol.

[devin]

Lulz @ your grammar...

yae siersly. he not has engrlish.

[Love]

i would never hit my kids but if i found out they are doing drugs i would lock them up in a room for 6 months regardless of age

[[SD]Master_Wong]

My dad had a very strict mother. He was born in 1911. I've seen pics (but she died before I was born) and she was a terror.

"Why??" "Why, Mommy?"

He was in the wood shed with a strap taken to his back, "This if for the time you thought you were getting away with it." He was given beatings for no reason. Yeah, he was 'respectful' but he also had a deep seated resentment toward women. His idea of raising children was called 'neglect'.

that is brutally beating your children, there is a difference between disiplin and violence, and yes its a thin mark but bent over a knee having your arse smacked red was disiplin, having a punch to the gut is violence

[Grandpa]

To the topic starter:

I would agree that your dad not being in your brother's life makes a huge difference. Saddens me that this is all too often the case these days. Yes, discipline makes a difference -- but an even greater difference would be made if children were raised in a family where active love and heartfelt caring was seen to flow between husband and wife.

It's too obvious to say it straight out like that but true none-the-less. I wasn't raised that way, neither were my sons, regretfully. I still have hopes for my grandchildren but we'll see.

~Granps

[_Scarlett_]

hitting your children is good, but not to harsh or it will be an abuse.
you must hit your children in order for them to listen and respect you and to teach them who's boss. If you don't hit your children they will grow up just like american children.
STRICT PARENTS=GOOD CHILDREN

I'm sorry, but all I saw in that post was BS. I'm American and I was never beaten, spanked, etc, and I turned out well mannered, and not in the least bit spoiled. You don't have to resort to violence to earn respect, infact violence does not earn anyone respect; that's not respect, it's fear. Big difference between fear and respect. You can test this yourself: next time you come across one of your peers when they do something bad, smack the sh*t outta them, then see how well respected you are, and if they're more keen to listen to you anymore.

I'd have to say that beating your children is wrong, there are other alternatives to it. A tap on the wrist here and there isn't too bad, but resorting to severe violence is not the way to go.

[Barotix]

Three Parenting Styles:
Authoritarian: The Dictator. "My way or the Highway"
Authoritative: The best, a decent amount of discipline and a decent amount of love.
Permissive: No Discipline, "boys will be boys."

You don't want two Permissive Parents and you don't want two Authoritarian Parents. Thats just a formula for some serious psychological disorders. The best is and has always been the moderate. You can "whack" your children or tell them to squat and stay in that position for 10 minutes but you shouldn't abuse them. My Kids won't be hit, they will follow my orders as they are given until they reach the legal age of reason (7). At that point the Democratic System starts.

Tyrannical Parenting is terrible.

Laissez Faire is also a screwed up method.

Studies have shown time and time again, that Democracy with appropriate Discipline and Communication is the best form of Parenting.

EDIT: People are misunderstanding OP. He isn't talking about beating your kids into the next world. He is talking about mild corporal punishment.

Say your kid punched his brother. First you Give Him a small spanking. Then you ask: "Do you know why I spanked you?" You explain why, and you talk to your child. You reason with them, like training a pet. You use Positive and Negative Reinforces to raise a child properly.

Say My dog strolls into the House and pees on the carpet. I'll go "Billy bad boy, you know better than that." I make sure to appear as the Top Dog, as the Alpha Male, show a lot of bravado. I don't reward him. The next time he does it he'll get the water bottle and I'll squirt him. He won't like that, eventually he'll stop peeing the house because peeing means getting squirted with water. When he pees outside I give him a treat, a doggy biscuit. Use Reinforcement for children and pets.

[Grandpa]

Barotix, Greetings!

Please don't get me wrong here because your post was probably one of the more intelligent in this thread but I was amused at this. I really do like your planned parenting style and appreciate the work you are putting in to it before hand, that's the way to go. I can also tell that you have loving relationships and good role models from what you write and that is THE most important thing.

What amused me was the thought of you having a kid like me, or even a little like me, and your thought about the 'legal age of maturity' or 'reason'. Democracy is fine if it is limited; I understand that you are saying that you will listen to your kids but scenarios spring up in my mind where baby Barotix lifts his hand and votes. Pappa Barotix is reduced to social equality with a seven (7) year old and feebly lifts his hand to ask permission to voice his opinion but Mrs. Barotix isn't having one of her best days.

"Hon, we've already voted on that. You don't have a say anymore."

Don't laugh, this really happens, it just isn't overt.

[devin]

hitting your children is good, but not to harsh or it will be an abuse.
you must hit your children in order for them to listen and respect you and to teach them who's boss. If you don't hit your children they will grow up just like american children.
STRICT PARENTS=GOOD CHILDREN

I'm sorry, but all I saw in that post was BS. I'm American and I was never beaten, spanked, etc, and I turned out well mannered, and not in the least bit spoiled. You don't have to resort to violence to earn respect, infact violence does not earn anyone respect; that's not respect, it's fear. Big difference between fear and respect. You can test this yourself: next time you come across one of your peers when they do something bad, smack the sh*t outta them, then see how well respected you are, and if they're more keen to listen to you anymore.

I'd have to say that beating your children is wrong, there are other alternatives to it. A tap on the wrist here and there isn't too bad, but resorting to severe violence is not the way to go.

everyones different. i was easy going. hardly got a spanking but every once in while. my bro...all the time!!

[Panu]

My parents used to "beat" me when i was little. (im south-asain). im dead scared of my mom lol, somewhat of my dad. they dont hit me now, they want to but they stopped since im not scared anymore (like reflexes).

[mOrNinGwOoD]

I think its funny when I get beat by my parents cuz it doesn't hurt.